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“No, hon, I’m pretty sure today is just a glitch. It’s the stress of having your parents show up and them finding you with Clint.”
I bury my red face in my hands. “Oh, God. That could not have gone worse.”
“Well, they could have walked in and gotten an eyeful of him going for a muff dive.”
I burst out laughing and Tasha laughs along.
When the moment passes, she says, “Your parents are really great people. They love you to bits, but you know what? They also put even more pressure on you than any of the other parents. I have a feeling that you did better when they weren’t here because you could put some distance between yourself and all that guilt they pile on you.”
My shoulders drop and I sit on the bench feeling suddenly numb.
“I don’t mean to be a bitch about your mom and dad. I know they’ve given up a lot for you, but anyone would crumble under the weight of that pressure.”
“Yeah, I guess maybe that’s it. But I can’t ask them to stay away during the games. It would kill them.”
“They want you to win, no matter what it takes.”
“I’d never tell them to go home. I just couldn’t.”
“Then you need to accept the fact that they sacrificed for you because they wanted to do it, not because you made them. They wanted this for you so they made it happen. You can’t spend your life feeling guilty for something they chose for you when you were four-years-old. Your only shot at winning is to unload that burden when you strap on those skates.”
That night, I lay in bed next to Clint, and we just talk. We talk for hours about my parents and all the guilt I feel for what they’ve done for me. We talk about what it would mean to win the gold and what life will really be like after I’ve achieved my biggest dream. Clint has gone ahead in this way and he knows what it’s like to go from having nothing to having nothing to worry about. He opens up and tells me about his childhood. He was raised by his mom, his dad having disappeared shortly after he was born. His mom, who was a baker, left for work at three in the morning so he had to get used to getting up on his own and getting himself to school, even as a little boy. When he started playing hockey, he had to figure out how to use the city transit system and had to drag his hockey equipment twelve blocks so he could catch a bus to practice.
As I listen, I realize that I don’t know the first thing about hardship. I’ve always had two parents who loved me more than anything. I never once had to get myself ready for school alone or come home to an empty house. One of them was always there.
It’s almost morning by the time we drift off to sleep and even though I’m exhausted, I’m somehow renewed. I know that I’m going to be okay and that I’ve always had what it takes. I just didn’t believe it.
It’s the morning of the short program. The stadium is packed with spectators when Clint and I arrive. The building that once echoed with the odd sound of one person’s voice now thunders with applause for the ice dancing pairs that are finishing up.
I take a deep breath when I spot my parents, who I’ve asked to meet me by the east entrance. They still haven’t forgiven Clint or given us their approval, but they will by the time the games are over. I give them a firm nod, then say, “Mom, Dad, I’m going to win today, and when I do, you’re going to have to admit that Clint is what I said he is—the right one for me.”
“Today has nothing to do with him. This is about you, Pumpkin,” my dad says, his face filled with intensity.
“No, Dad. You’re wrong. You got me here, I know that. But Clint has shown me how to dig deep and find my true confidence. He has never doubted what I’m capable of, but you both do that to me all the time…”
My mom opens her mouth, but I stop her by holding my finger in the air.
“No, Mom. It’s true. Neither of you trust me to do this on my own. You both think I need a therapist or one of you hovering over me so I don’t screw up. But I don’t need help. There’s a champion in me and she’s bringing her A game today. Nothing is going to stop me. Nothing is going to distract me. I’m going to get out there and win. And when I do, you will accept Clint.”
With that, I give them each a hug, then kiss Clint right on the lips.
He smiles down at me and whispers, “You’ve got this. That gold is waiting for you.”
I walk away from the three of them, head held high, knowing he’s right.
I am the last to skate today, so when the song ends, I don’t have to wait to find out if I am a champion. I will find out in about one minute. I stand on the ice, panting as flowers are tossed onto the rink. The scores aren’t up yet, but I’m already crying tears of joy, because even if I don’t win, I’ve just completed a perfect program. I’ve never flown so high or been so graceful in my life as I was in the last two minutes. I landed every jump, I gave it everything I had, and for the first time, it was enough. I know it.
I skate around and pick up the bouquets, waving to the crowd before I step off and sit down next to my coach. It’s like everything is happening in slow motion as I hear my score being called out and I see them appear on the television screen in front of me. Pierre sits next to me, crying and laughing and shouting, “Gold! We did it!”
Tears spill out of my eyes and down my cheeks as I sob, exhausted and filled with joy. He hugs me and I hug him back, then pull away so I can stand and wave to my parents. They’re both crying and hugging each other and waving to me. I blow them kisses and then search for Clint. I realize that I don’t know where he is, and I start to feel a bit panicky because I can’t wait to celebrate with him. Then I hear his voice behind me.
“You did it, Dani. I’m so proud of you.”
I turn to him and throw my arms around him. We kiss wildly and he lifts me up in his arms. I know that the TV cameras must be broadcasting this back home and that this will be huge news, but I don’t even care. In fact, I’m thrilled about the world knowing he’s mine.
When he pulls back, I say, “I couldn’t have done this without you.”
“As much as I’d like to take credit, it was all you.”
