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Ethan gets up from the table and gives me one last look before he leaves. As soon as the door shuts behind him, I walk into the bathroom, lock the door, and let the tears flow.
“Hi, baby!” I say as Will comes running to greet me at the front door. I crouch down and scoop him up, hugging him tight to me as he puts his chubby little hands on my face and says, “Mom, mom, mom.”
At fifteen months, he doesn't have a lot of words in his vocabulary but hearing him call me mom is my favorite one.
“Did you have fun with Auntie today?”
He nods his huge, enthusiastic nod and then gives me a sloppy toddler kiss on the cheek.
"Oh, I missed you, little man," I whisper, tucking his head on my shoulder and rocking side to side. Tears fill my eyes, and I think about the father I'm depriving him of, but then I remind myself of how his father is dating a pop singer and probably wouldn't want anything to do with him.
Aunt Karen pokes her head around the corner from the kit
chen. “There you…” Her voice trails off as she takes in the sight of my face. “What happened to you, sweetie?”
“I can’t talk about it just yet.”
“Okay. Supper’s ready. We’ll talk after we get this little monkey to bed.”
"So, you didn't tell him?" Karen tops up my glass of wine. We're sitting at the kitchen table. It's late in the evening, and Will is finally asleep in his crib so we can talk without interruption.
“No, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was just such a shock to see him again. I kept thinking I needed to do my job and get out of there as fast as I could.”
“But, Jess. He’s a multi-millionaire now. He should have to live up to his responsibilities.”
I trace the lip of my glass with one finger. “I know, but what if…” I stop myself before I can say something stupid.
Karen stares at me, waiting for me to go on.
“Nothing. What if nothing. I should get some sleep. I have an early client tomorrow.”
A knock at the front door startles me. Karen and I look at each other, then she says, “I’ll let you get that. I’m going to bed myself.”
I get up, and before I answer it, I already know instinctively that it's him. I walk through the living room, stepping over scattered toys while I smooth my hair down. I open the door a crack and there he is, standing with his back to the door, running a hand through his hair like he's stressed.
I slip out onto the front porch and close the door behind me before he can see into the house. “Ethan, how did you find me?”
When he turns, his face is intense with emotion. "I called our head office and begged the girl at the front desk until she agreed to give me your address. I couldn't just leave town without seeing you again. Can I come in?"
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
His face falls. “Are you with someone, Jess?”
"No, I'm not. I just don't want to wake my aunt. She's a really light sleeper." I gesture to the wicker loveseat, and we both sit down.
He's so close to me that our arms are touching. My breath catches, and I have to force myself to stay calm.
“Jess, all this time, I’ve never stopped thinking about you. Not for a day, no matter how hard I tried to get you out of my mind and to move on.”
I snort, skeptical of his words. “What about you and Lacey Riveria?”
He shakes his head and turns his body to face mine. “Just rumors. We met once for about two minutes. She’s not my type.”
“But you must have found someone to warm your bed by now.”
"Nope. There's been no one since you. I've tried dating, but no other girl has a chance." He glances down at my lips, and my body begs me to close the distance and kiss him, but I'm too scared.
Ethan reaches up one hand and touches my cheek with his fingertips. "Jess, if there's a chance you could want me…"
