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It was the last week of my summer abroad. At the end of my first semester in college, I’d signed up to go to India and volunteer. It had been an easy choice because I didn’t want to stay home with my mother all summer, and spending time with Justine for another summer was out of the question. Sure, we’d been friendly through the year, exchanging emails and talking about our various adventures. She’d even invited me to visit again.
But I couldn’t do that. Justine had been so generous twelve months ago, and what would I possibly have to offer her in return? I couldn’t expect her to fund my bills and take me shopping again.
Not to mention, I didn’t want to run into Hunter. And Justine must have known, deep down, what was wrong…but she’d never said anything.
I still felt so stupid and naïve.
So, India it was instead. It was a nice change because my first year at college had been hard. I can’t say that I was strong all the time. On my first night in my college dorm room, I broke down and called Hunter’s phone number. By that time, it had been disconnected. And that was enough to tell me that Hunter was really done with me because guys only change their numbers for one reason – to get rid of a pesky girl.
After that, I knew that I had to get myself through it. I immersed myself in my studies, joined a few clubs, and made a few friends.
And when I saw that ad for the India volunteer trip, I knew it was my chance to make different memories. New memories that could fill me with joy and not be tinted with sadness. And so far, my experience has been great. I volunteer in the city with a few other students teaching English, and it’s really rewarding and fun. Because although English is the lingua franca of India, there are many poorer citizens who don’t speak the language well. So thus the classes to help improve and burnish their skills.
Plus, I’ve met someone. Joshua is one of my fellow teachers, and back home in the States, we’d actually lived in the same dorm. I had seen him a few times before, but never really interacted with him until the first day in India. We had ended up sitting next to each other and had talked a lot about school and whatnot.
We’d also gone out a few times. Usually, it had been in a group, but lately, but we’d also gone on a few dates alone, and I found myself really appreciating the boy. He was kind, thoughtful, gentle and sweet.
If I were in a different mindset, I could even see myself dating Joshua, but a real relationship wasn’t possible. In my soul, I knew I wasn’t ready to move past my heartbreak. And of course, thinking of heartbreak made me think of Hunter. I’d spend nights crying into my pillow for no other reason than the sheer pain that haunted me still. My chest would ache, throat stuffy, eyes red and puffy
But make-up does wonders, and the teabags I’d placed over my eyes ensured that any lingering puffiness was gone. It was time to get to work, and my students were waiting.
Joshua smiled at me as he held open the classroom door. “Hey Daniella,” he said with a smile. “I was wondering when I’d see you.” He feigned shivering. “It’s cold today!”
“Yes, it is,” I said, as I walked into the room. Everyone at college called me Daniella and I didn’t feel like correcting them.
Here, I was strong, independent Daniella. I wanted to shed Dani from my being. Dani was the old me. Dani was the one that was in love with Hunter, pathetic and useless.
And if I could forget Dani, maybe I could forget him.
“What are you doing tonight?” Joshua asked as I set my purse down in my storage cubby.
I inwardly groaned. I didn’t want to let him down again. I wanted nothing more than to give this boy a chance, but I couldn’t shake the pain and longing that I felt for Hunter. Plus, it wasn’t fair to Joshua. He deserved better than a girl mooning over another man.
“I don’t really know. Kimmy wants to go out, but I’m thinking that maybe I should stay in and read a good book,” I waffled.
“You can read at home,” Joshua said with puppy-eyes. “Come on, Daniella. We’re in India. Don’t you want to make the most of it?”
I smiled softly. “I just want to relax. We’ve gone out almost every night, and I have to sleep eventually.”
Joshua smiled, throwing his arm around my shoulders companionably. “Just live by my philosophy. You can sleep when you are dead.”
I just shook my head as he led us down the hallway to another classroom. Joshua made me smile and was funny in his own goofy way. Maybe I could pretend. If I carried on like I was okay, how long would it take for me to actually be normal again?
