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I was wrong. So very wrong.
I follow Jax through the empty McCoy halls to his private suite. Somehow, a month around him helped me build resilience to his attitude. My days include a morning reminder of how I’m not here to play nice, followed by wishing my coffee was something of the alcoholic variety.
“If you plan on sleep
ing with him, at least give me a warning. I want to stay away from you both when shit hits the fan.”
I stop in my tracks and laugh up to the ceiling. “Why are you jealous? It’s not like you try to hang out with me.”
He grimaces. “This has nothing to do with jealousy.”
“Weird because for some odd reason your words sound an awful lot like it.”
His race sneakers squeak against the tile floor as he eats up the space between us. Everything about him draws me in despite our contrasting personalities. We’re like two magnets. With a flip, we’re polar opposites, but if he stopped being an ass, I have a feeling we’d click into place.
“Jealousy means I have to like you, or at the very least want you.” His darkening eyes trail down my body, failing to match his words.
He intoxicates my brain with a simple glance and a curl of his lip. Some wires in my brain must be crossed if I’m attracted to his level of assholery.
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“How so?”
I lean in closer, giving him a good look down my blouse. How can I give a damn about modesty when I’m trying to prove a point? I’m done dealing with his attitude for the week. “You may dislike having me around, but I have a theory it has more to do with you wanting me than you hating my help. You can’t help craving something more and it scares you.”
Okay, my last sentence is a hunch influenced by Elías, but a plausible hunch, nonetheless.
“Cravings are for weak people.” His eyes remain on my chest.
The heat of his gaze acts like invisible fingers tracing across my skin. I ignore the goosebumps left behind. “You’re right. Cravings are for the weak who don’t have the balls to chase after what they want.”
Flirting with disaster has a look, and this is it. The flash in his eyes should warn me away. Instead, I stay rooted to the floor, unmoving as he leans in. Everything stops around me as his lips lightly trail the curve of my neck. Hot air escapes his mouth, causing me to shiver at our nearness.
I didn’t expect him to get this close. Hell, I didn’t expect his lips to feel amazing on my skin. His tongue darts out, running down the column of my neck. My legs threaten to buckle.
“Oh, I chase after what I want. Hate to break it to you, but you’re not it, love.” He steps away and enters his suite, leaving me confused and slightly embarrassed as he shuts the door.
Jax does want me. He’s a liar, attempting to convince himself more than me about his disinterest.
After taking a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart, I enter his suite. My eyes scan the empty room before landing on the closed bathroom door. I stop myself from knocking once Jax speaks.
“Cut this shit out. You can’t keep going on like this, shaking and ruminating and shit when you’re supposed to be celebrating. No wonder it’s been years since you won a World Championship. You’re a pathetic wanker who can’t win because you’re too busy doubting yourself.”
Oh, no. Everything spins around me as I try to wrap my head around how much contempt Jax saves for himself. A small kernel of guilt shoots through me at eavesdropping, but I need all the help I can get to understand him better. Even if it comes at the expense of something I’m not exactly proud of.
“She’s right. You’re a weak piece of shit. Anyone who got a look at you right now would agree.” His voice cracks.
I cringe at him referencing what I said. I don’t really think he’s weak. Maybe slightly delusional and frustratingly oppositional, but not weak in the slightest. It’s hard to ignore the sharp pain shooting through my chest as he continues on with his self-hate speech.
“You’re going to go to the cool-down room and act like you usually do. Then you’re going to call Mum and Dad later and suck it up like a man. No more anxiety shit after talking to them. Grow the fuck up.”
My heart aches to the point of bursting. I step away from the door, knowing he deserves a semblance of privacy.
I sit on a couch and turn my back away from the bathroom, mulling over everything he said. My stomach clenches at the notion of listening in on him clearly having a moment of distress. I’m not proud of snooping, even if I learned about a crucial part of Jax he keeps hidden from the world. Who knew the dislike he has for me is equal to what he saves for himself?
The door creaks open a few minutes later. My spine straightens as Jax’s eyes burn a hole into my back. “Do you still need my help with whatever you mentioned in the garage?”
Okay, I didn’t sound half as guilty as I feel.
