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He walks out of the door and doesn’t look back, and the door closes behind him.
I close my eyes as I try to control my breathing.
Holy fucking fuck.
Chapter 8
I push the food around my plate with my fork.
“I said, don’t you like it?” Rebecca says as if repeating herself.
“Huh?” I look up in a daze. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.” I quickly shovel a mouthful in. “Of course I like it. This is my favorite.”
Daniel watches me. “What’s wrong with you tonight?”
“Nothing, why?”
“Because you’ve hardly said two words since you got home.”
“Tired, I guess.” I shrug, not wanting to tell them the news that Elliot Miles licked my thigh in the sauna and wants sex with no strings and I’m not allowed to see anyone else and he has a big dick and this whole month is turning into a fucking disaster.
“Have you heard from Elliot?” Rebecca asks.
I shake my head. “No,” I lie. I’m embarrassed about his indecent proposal. I don’t want to have to explain the situation because, quite frankly, I don’t understand it myself.
“What about your online crush, Edgar?” Daniel asks.
“No.” I chew my food. “I haven’t spoken to him either.”
I’m lying up a storm here tonight.
Why wouldn’t I? When Edgar told me that it wasn’t a grand love affair and that it was just a horizontal crush—boy, he wasn’t lying. It’s not even a steamy affair . . . it’s a business transaction of seminal fluid.
“He’s an ass,” Daniel replies. “This is why you’re down.”
“I’m not down,” I huff. “Elliot Miles is nothing to me.”
Okay, maybe a little down.
When Elliot told me he wanted me, for a moment there it was exciting and new and a way to get myself out of this rut. Hell, putting ice down his pants was the highlight of my year. But now that I know that he sees me as a walking vagina . . . his crush has lost its shine.
And what’s worse, I’m actually considering it. I know it’s stupid, I know that he’s going to turn out to be an asshole and that I’m probably going to get fired, or hurt.
Worse still, both.
I remember back to the sauna, with him on his knees between my legs, and I get a flutter in my stomach, but he’s just so . . .
He makes me feel something, and even if it’s bad, it’s still a feeling.
I now realize I’ve been numb for years and that if I want to come back to being myself, maybe Elliot is a good stepping stone to get there.
I continue to eat in silence as Daniel and Beck talk about some new Pilates app they have downloaded.
My mind wanders off on a tangent again . . . I like Edgar. He’s sweet and intelligent and swoony but then I remember who he really is.
I don’t need a complication like Elliot Miles in my life. Far from it, I’m not a young girl blinded by lust with doe-in-the-headlight eyes. I don’t need my boss going down on me in the work sauna to feel alive.
I know better.
But . . . my boss going down on me in the work sauna . . . even that statement turns me on.
I’ve got fucking issues.
I’m finally just getting my shit together . . . I’ll be going backwards by falling into bed with someone as gorgeous and dominant as him.
It’s a disaster waiting to happen.
“You like him, don’t you?” Rebecca says as she directs the conversation back to me.
“Who?” I act dumb.
They both roll their eyes. “Elliot Miles.”
“I don’t know him, and why are you two going on about this all night?”
“Sorry.” Rebecca widens her eyes.
We continue eating.
“You’ve got your work Christmas party tomorrow night, haven’t you?” Beck asks to change the subject.
“Just drinks in the office. What have you guys got on?”
“I’m sleeping at Brett’s,” Rebecca answers.
“I’m going home to see my folks for a few days,” Daniel says. “My mum is a bit down.”
“Is she okay?” I ask.
“She had cancer this year and it’s taken its toll. I’m going home to help her wrap and prepare for Christmas Day. My father is useless.”
I smile as I put my hand over Daniel’s on the table. “You’re a good man, you know that?”
“Well, there’s only me this year—my sister’s deployed and won’t be home until February.”
“She’s in the navy, right?” I ask.
He nods proudly. “She’s a badass. Could totally kick my butt.”
We chuckle.
“You’re having Christmas Day lunch here for your brother and sister, right?”
I nod. “It sounded like a good idea at the time.”
“Not so much now?” Daniel asks.
“Ugh, I haven’t even thought about what I’m cooking. It’s all just too hard.”
“Well, I’m only going away for two days and then I’ll come back and help you prepare the food. I don’t leave to go home until Christmas Eve, and we could have most of it done before I go.”
