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The rest of the crew reassembled over the next few minutes, and then Harper rushed onto the set and looked around. When he saw me, he hurried over and said, “I’m really sorry, Will. I know we were supposed to meet first thing this morning, but I forgot to set an alarm.”
“It’s okay. Just sit down for a minute and catch your breath.”
He took the seat facing me that Riley had just vacated, and then he whispered, “How mad is Lang?”
“Don’t worry about that now,” I said. “Just try to get your head in the game. Otherwise this is going to be a disaster.”
“You’re right. Shit.” He exhaled slowly, took my hands in his, and closed his eyes. Then he said, “Tell me about Liam and Alex. What’s going on in this scene, besides the obvious?”
“They love each other. People tend to think it’s one-sided, because Alex has been pining for Liam since they were kids. But Liam loves Alex, too.”
“As a friend, right?”
“It’s more than that. Their relationship is complicated. Liam just can’t admit to himself that he’s gay, because he knows his homophobic father and the rest of his stuck-up family would disown him and cut off his trust fund, and he thinks he’s nothing without it.”
I continued, “When he finally has sex with Alex, it’s not just because he knows how much his friend wants him. It’s because Liam needs this desperately, maybe even more than Alex does. He just got engaged to Emily a few days ago, and that scares him to death. He knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life living a lie and pretending to be what everyone expects of him. But for these few minutes, he can be his true self. He can be gay, and he can love Alex, and nobody can take that away from him. That’s what’s happening in this scene. It’s not just two people fucking. Not even close.”
Harper opened his eyes and asked, “Then why does he run off right after?”
“It’s partly because he realizes he betrayed Emily and is ashamed, but it’s also because of all he’s feeling for Alex in that moment. It’s so intense that it scares him.”
Neither of us realized Gage Lang was standing nearby until he murmured, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Harper started to apologize for being late, but the director held up his hand and said, “Not now.” After he explained how he wanted the scene to play out, Lang said, “Take your places, and go with what you just discussed. We’re going to start with the kiss, and let’s see if we can keep the scene rolling from there.”
Harper and I kicked off our shoes and found our spots between the stove and the kitchen island. There were pieces of masking tape on the floor to tell us where to stand. We were face to face and just inches apart, and we stared at each other as we tried to get into character.
Riley and the lead makeup artist touched us up, the lead stylist fixed our hair, and light readings were taken and adjustments were made. Meanwhile two camera operators, the sound engineer, a boom operator, the director and assistant director, and several other crew members all took their positions around us. There were about a dozen people in the room, not counting Harper and me, and that was after the crew had been pared down to just essential personnel at Harper’s request.
My heart was racing and I was breathing quickly, but that was actually perfect for the scene. When the assistant director said, “Roll cameras, and action,” it felt oddly like stepping outside myself and letting the character take over.
Alex reached up and touched the face of the man he loved, and everything fell away but just the two of them. Their kiss was full of passion and heartbreak. It was their first kiss and their last. They stripped each other clumsily, and then Liam turned Alex around and bent him over the kitchen island. They only used spit for lube, and Alex stifled a cry of pain when Liam pushed into him. They fucked quickly, and Liam bit back a sob when he came. He caught his breath for a few moments, and then he stepped back from Alex, who couldn’t even look at him. Liam grabbed his pajamas from the floor and rushed out of the kitchen, and Alex pressed his eyes shut as tears streamed down his face.
“Cut.”
I’d been so lost in the scene that Lang’s voice actually startled me. I straightened up and looked around at the faces of the crew. For a long moment, everyone just stood there with surprised expressions. Then they all started clapping, and I colored slightly as I wiped my face.
Someone handed me a towel, and I wrapped it around my hips as Harper returned to the kitchen wearing the pajama pants. He beamed at me and said, “Awesome job, Will.”
