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After we both put our hats on—sideways, so we could actually lie down—he joined me in the pillow pile. I draped an arm and a leg over him and said, “This is the best thing ever.”
“I have to agree.”
“Did you ever imagine you’d be spending the afternoon in a blanket fort as a full-grown adult? Like, ever in your wildest dreams?”
“No, and that’s just one of the many reasons why you’re so good for me.”
“I am?”
“Absolutely.” He glanced at me and asked, “Why do you seem surprised?”
“I just can’t quite imagine what I bring to the table. I mean, you’re there for me in a million different ways. But what have I ever done for you?”
“You really don’t know?” I shook my head, then fixed my paper hat, and he said, “You brought me back to life. When you showed up on Catalina, it felt like the answer to a prayer. All of a sudden, I had this sweet, kind, adorable man in my life, who just accepted me as I was. I didn’t have to be ‘on’ all the time, which was good because I was still so broken. Even if all we did was sit together and watch a movie, it felt special, because it was with you. What I needed desperately was time to heal, and you were so patient with me. You helped by being my friend, and caring about me, and just being there. You gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. You made me feel needed. And when you looked at me with those big blue eyes and lit up the room with that perfect smile, you made me think about the future, instead of dwelling in the past. I’m so grateful for you, Will.”
That was the best thing anyone had ever said to me in my entire life.
Chapter 13
Despite my wonderfully tranquil afternoon, by the time I took a seat in the makeup trailer that evening, the nerves were back. “Just take a deep breath,” Riley said, as he rubbed my shoulders. “You’ve got this, Will.”
“Do I though? The entire film hinges on this one scene. What if I blow it?”
“You won’t. Also, try not to think of it like that. Yeah, this is a key scene in the movie, but what’s really important here is Alex. I just finished reading the book this afternoon, and I can see why this character means so much to you. Just think about him and what he must be feeling.”
I said, “He’s so upset in this scene. He and Liam just had a big fight, and Alex is devastated.”
“Do you think he plans to kill himself when he walks out the back door, or is the fall off the cliff an accident? It bothered me that it wasn’t explained in the book.”
“I think it’s not something he was planning to do when he left the house, but as he’s standing on that cliff, he makes the conscious decision to end his life. He thinks Liam hates him because he found out Alex and Emily slept together, and Liam is his whole world, so he must be thinking he has nothing left to live for.”
“That’s so sad,” Riley said, as he circled around and sat on the edge of the makeup table. “He was only twenty-two, and he still had his whole life ahead of him.”
“The author never spelled it out, but I got the impression Alex struggled with depression for years. There was no joy in his life, apart from Liam.”
He scowled and muttered, “I hated Liam. He just seemed so selfish to lead Alex on like that. And even when he finally gave Alex what he thought he wanted, he was so cold about it.”
“Was he selfish though, or was he just afraid to love Alex? We know Liam’s family was deeply homophobic, and if Liam admitted he was gay, it would have cost him everything, including a huge inheritance. Plus, this was thirty years ago when people were a lot less enlightened, so it wasn’t just Liam’s family that would have had a hard time with it.”
Riley’s scowl deepened. “If you love someone, nothing else matters. Fuck what society or your family thinks!”
I grinned and said, “If only Liam had been as strong as you are. We would have ended up with a very different story.”
“I’m starting to understand why people like fanfiction. I totally want to sit down and write a different ending for Alex. I don’t think Liam deserves him, though. Maybe in my version, a handsome prince will ride in and whisk Alex away to a better life.”
“I’d definitely read that.”
Riley picked up a makeup sponge and went to work dabbing pale foundation onto my skin. After a while, he said, “You know what’s really fucking weird to me about filmmaking? The fact that it’s all shot out of order. So like, tonight your character is dying, and Monday morning, he’ll be happy and hanging out with his friends. He hasn’t even slept with Emily yet, which causes the fight that happens right before this scene. In fact, the fight itself hasn’t even been filmed yet, so you just have to walk outside and die, with nothing leading up to it. Where’s the logic in that?”
