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“Okay.”
“As you know, there’s no dialog in this scene. It’s all about what you give the camera with your face and body.” I nodded, and he said, “Give it all you’ve got, Will.”
“That’s the plan.”
I took my spot on the patio at the back of the house as Lang and the crew got into place. It was a difficult scene to capture as one continuous take, but it would look pretty great if they pulled it off. The assistant director quieted the set, then instructed the cameras to begin rolling before Lang called, “Will, when you’re ready.”
The first thing I had to do was get myself to my mark. I ran and purposely stumbled across the wide field of dead grass, heading directly for a camera operator on a dolly. As I approached, the camera began to pull back. I started to question if I was overdoing Alex’s drunken run, but I pushed those thoughts aside. If it didn’t look right, Lang would obviously let me know.
When I hit the mark, I fell to my hands and knees and dropped my head. I stayed in that position as I pulled a few deep breaths into my lungs. Then I reached into the darkest, most broken part of me, and I found Alex.
I sat back on my heels and raised my head to stare up at the night sky. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about some of the worst times of my life—the powerlessness I felt when I was bullied as a kid. The worthlessness I’d felt as a prostitute. How discouraged and exhausted I became as I just kept failing at my dream of becoming an actor. There’d been so many days when I’d really wanted to give up.
Slowly, the tears stopped. I got up and walked to the edge of the cliff.
Alex would have felt empty and alone. Cold and tired. He’d given up.
In the darkest moment of his life, he didn’t have anyone to pull him back from the edge, literally and figuratively.
I leaned forward and peered over the cliff.
His final thoughts would absolutely have been of Liam. I felt what he did, the regret, the longing, the anger, the devastation, all at once. It was too much too bear. I ran my hand over my face to wipe away the tears.
He couldn’t handle all the pain, so he made it go away. But I was a survivor, and I had something he didn’t—people who loved me and would always pull me back from the edge of the cliff. I never realized just how lucky I was until that moment.
I wished I’d known Alex, so I could be the friend he so desperately needed. But all I could do for him now was bring a quiet dignity to his final moments. I exhaled slowly and sent a thought out into the universe—you’ll never be forgotten, Alex.
After a long moment, Lang said, “Cut,” and the cameras stopped rolling. The only sound was the waves crashing on the beach, off in the distance.
I blinked and looked at the camera, which was six feet ahead of me. I was actually about fifteen feet from the actual edge of the cliff, standing on my mark, which was a piece of cardboard with a line drawn on it to indicate where the cliff ended. Special effects would create the illusion that I was standing at a sheer drop-off.
The scene ended there. The audience would fill in what happened next, as long as I did my job and showed them what Alex was feeling.
Lorenzo came up to me and draped the ski jacket over my shoulders, and I threw my arms around him. I didn’t care that there were twenty crew members staring at us. I needed this. He kissed my forehead, and then he surprised me by whispering, “You’re going to be so fucking famous when this movie comes out.”
Lang joined us a few moments later. The director didn’t say anything at first. He just rubbed his jaw as he mulled over what he’d seen. Finally, he said, “I thought it’d be bigger. I expected more crying, more agony.”
“But it’s just the opposite. Alex makes this horrible decision, and that isn’t showy or dramatic. It’s really quiet, introspective, and personal.”
Lang asked, “Will the audience understand that, though?”
“They’ll get it. You just need to have faith in them.”
“For the sake of argument, let’s do it again,” he said, “starting with the run from the back of the house.”
“Absolutely. I’ll run through that field a hundred times if you want me to, but I’m not changing that ending. I’m not trying to be difficult. I just need to let you know I’m giving Alex the respect he deserves in his final moments.”
Lang thought about that, and then he said, “Okay. We’ll do it your way.”
