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“That’s the mark of a true narcissist.” Harper grinned at me and said, “Takes one to know one, right?”
“You’re not a narcissist.”
“Come on. What about my constant need for attention and approval? I’m basically a giant puppy, always seeking my next pat on the head.” I was surprised he was so self-aware, and that he could actually joke about it.
“But narcissists are characterized by a lack of empathy and an overinflated sense of importance, along with arrogance and a tendency to manipulate others. That’s not you at all.”
He asked, “Why do you know so much about this?”
“I read up on it to see if it would explain my twin.”
“So, by those definitions, I was wrong when I called him a narcissist. Sure, Dallas is arrogant, but so are ninety-five percent of the people I work with in Hollywood. Overall though, he’s a nice guy.”
“I really don’t want to listen to you defending him.”
I got up and crossed the room, and he got up, too. “I’m sorry. I can get on board with the whole ‘Dallas sucks’ thing if that’s what you need right now.”
I sighed for about the ten millionth time that day and turned my back to him. After a pause, I admitted, “I can’t even tell you how much I hate the fact that you slept with him.”
“I never slept with Dallas.”
I turned back to him and said, “Bullshit.”
“It’s true.”
“Come on. I was there when you two were dating. Remember the weekly bouquets of flowers with those cutesy little notes you used to send him? Actually, you didn’t send them. As your assistant, that was my job. That was fucking gross, by the way. Like I wanted a front row seat to your love affair with my brother.”
A smile spread across Harper’s face, and he said, “You’re totally jealous.”
I snapped, “You can fuck right off with that jealousy bullshit!” Never mind that it was true. The fact that he was teasing me about something that actually hurt like hell was infuriating.
“You are! You’re green with envy!”
“Knock it off!”
He crossed his arms over his broad chest and teased, “If I don’t, what’ll you do?”
“I’ll never speak to you again!”
“That sounds exactly like something a jealous person would say.”
I happened to be standing next to the snack table, and I growled with anger, grabbed a granola bar, and hurled it at him. He totally failed to duck.
When it hit him in the face, he half-turned away from me and slapped a hand over one eye as he exclaimed, “Ow!”
My anger instantly vanished, and I blurted, “Shit, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Should I get a medic?”
“It’s too late for that. You knocked my eye right out of the socket. Look!”
He held up a white orb, and I let loose with a scream worthy of a horror movie. When he tossed it to me, I caught it automatically, then dropped it in disgust. As I watched the ping pong ball bounce a few times, then roll under the sofa, I yelled, “Damn it, Harper, I almost shit myself!”
He started howling with laughter as he crossed the room and grabbed me in a hug, then fell on the floor in his fit of hysterics, dragging me with him. Finally, he managed, “That scream was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Oh my God, it was so high-pitched! I bet every dog in a ten-block radius is barking.”
I started laughing too, and I punched his arm and said, “I thought you threw a fucking eyeball at me! Who wouldn’t scream at that?”
That started him on a fresh bout of laughter. He doubled over on the floor and hugged his ribs, and after a moment I asked, “Why the hell were you carrying a ping pong ball with you?”
He rolled onto his back and pulled me into an embrace. “That was just a happy coincidence,” he said, when he finally managed to get his laughter under control. “I ducked into the prop closet to check out our love nest, but a crew member was in there and asked if I needed help with anything. I ended up grabbing three ping pong balls out of a fishbowl and claimed I was looking for something to juggle during my interview with Tommy. Then I stuffed them in my pocket. Who knew they’d be the perfect prop not five minutes later?”
“I’m sorry I tried to brain you with a granola bar. That was childish.”
“It’s okay. I actually enjoyed seeing you do something so totally out of character.”
I said, “I thought you’d duck.”
“And I thought you wouldn’t go through with yeeting a snack at my face.”
I chuckled and put my head on his chest. After a few moments, I asked, “How’d rehearsal go?”
“Really well. It’s nice working with such a seasoned group of actors. Song and dance might not be their strong suit, but they all buckled down and got the job done. I don’t know if you heard, but the two that were delayed showed up, and we were able to run through the entire number. Taping will start on time at one, which gives us about an hour to go back to fighting about how jealous you are.”
