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When Dallas met my gaze, there was a lot of emotion in his eyes. He threw his arms around me, and for the first time in years, I hugged my brother and told him, “I love you, Dally.”
“I love you too, Phee-Phee.”
“I still hate that nickname, though.”
“It’s cute.”
“It’s the name of a French poodle.”
He grinned as he let go of me. But then he grew serious again and said, “I’ve been such an asshole, and I’m really sorry.”
“Me, too.”
“I was sure you hated me. You seemed so angry, and I started keeping my distance because it pissed me off. It felt like you’d turned on me, when it was supposed to be you and me against the world.”
“I could never hate you. It’s just not possible. And I’m so sorry I let my petty jealousy and other bullshit get in the way of our relationship.”
“We wasted so many years,” he said. “Why didn’t we have this conversation sooner?”
“Because we weren’t ready until now.”
He nodded, and after a moment he said, “I know this isn’t going to solve all our problems, but it feels like a good start, doesn’t it?”
“Definitely.”
He refilled both our glasses, and we were quiet for a while as we sipped our drinks. Then he leaned against the arm of the couch so he was facing me and said, “I’m glad we went off on that tangent, but now let’s get back to the subject at hand. How are you going to fix the damage you’ve done to your relationship with Harper?”
“There’s nothing I can do. I ended it, and it didn’t even seem like he cared.”
“He’s an actor, Phoenix. Maybe he was totally crushed but chose not to show it.”
“I don’t think so,” I said, as I slumped against the back of the couch. “It just didn’t seem to have much impact on him. He seemed more concerned about the fact that he was losing an assistant, and he was very business-like about my two weeks’ notice.”
“That’s a tip-off right there that he’s hiding his emotions! When is Harper Royce ever business-like?”
I thought about that and conceded, “Pretty much never.”
“Exactly. I think he really cares about you. You were worried it’d be too devastating to wait for him to end it, but who the hell says he was planning to do that? Maybe you’re his forever. Did you even stop to consider that?”
“Of course not. Guys like Harper don’t end up with guys like me.” Dallas leaned over and punched my arm, and I exclaimed, “Ow! What was that for?”
“That’s for being down on yourself all the fucking time! Harper would be lucky to end up with you. In fact, I can’t think of a more perfect person for either of you.”
“But we’re so different.”
“I know. He’s a free spirit who couldn’t act like a grown-up if his life depended on it, and that’s exactly what you need! You’ve always been so serious, Phee-Phee. So. Serious. There’s a picture in our baby album of you and me at like, two years old, sitting in our crib. Do you remember it? I’d taken off my diaper and was wearing it on my head, and you were literally sitting back with your arms crossed over your chest, frowning at me.”
I started laughing and said, “I do remember that picture, and I hope the diaper was clean.”
“It was, I asked Mom. But you get my point, right? You’ve always been this practical, rational, cautious guy, literally all your life, and the last thing you need is someone just like you. What you need is a force of nature like Harper, someone who’s messy, and fun, and who needs you as much as you need him. You know when people in relationships get all sappy and say ‘you complete me’? This is what they’re talking about!”
“Even if you’re right, Harper doesn’t do commitment. He just flits from person to person. That’s fine if everyone’s on the same page, but I wanted more from him.”
Dallas said flatly, “And instead of telling him that, you broke up with him.”
“Well, yeah. What good would it do to tell him I wanted a relationship? It’d be like standing in front of a waterfall and asking it to flow uphill instead of down.”
“I think you’re making a lot of assumptions about Harper,” he said. “He may have dated a lot of people, but maybe that was because he hadn’t found the right person until you came along. I also think you’ve always struggled with your self-esteem, and that’s why you’ve convinced yourself you’re not good enough for him. That’s what I’m hearing when you say guys like him don’t end up with guys like you. Plus, I think you have a big chip on your shoulder because you haven’t had much success in your career, and you expect other people to hold that against you because you hold it against yourself.”
