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I said, “You sound like a therapist.”
“Well, I’ve been in therapy for the last few months, so I guess it’s rubbed off on me.”
“How’s that going?”
“Good, I think, and it gave me the push I needed to try to reach out to you and open up about some things,” he said.
“I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself.”
“I don’t always do a very good job of it, but I’m trying.” He took a drink, then said, “Anyway, back to what I was saying about you and Harper. You need to talk to him. You’ve assumed from the beginning that he sees this as just some sort of short-term fling, but instead of guessing or trying to read his mind, have a conversation with him. Ask him where he sees it going. Then keep talking, instead of assuming the worst.”
“You’re right.” I scooped up the chicken when she wandered over to me, and after a few moments, I told my brother, “I’m surprised you’re not in a relationship, because you seem to have a good handle on this stuff.”
“It’s easy to give others advice,” he said, “but I’m a disaster when it comes to my own relationships.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“In part, it’s because I’ve been so wrapped up in my career. But maybe it’s also because of the way we were brought up. I feel like an asshole for saying this because Mom and Dad sacrificed everything for us, but they expected so much from you and me. Maybe too much. We were on stage performing by the time we were five years old, and there was constant pressure to improve, to succeed, to land a record deal. We were just kids, but they pinned all their hopes and dreams on us, and they made it clear failure wasn’t an option. We had to make it big, no matter what, and if we didn’t it was because we weren’t trying hard enough. That was a lot to put on us at a young age. I think that’s what made you doubt yourself and turn cautious, and it made me reckless.”
I thought about that as Dallas refilled our glasses, and then he continued, “I know I wouldn’t be where I am today if they hadn’t constantly pushed us. But sometimes I can’t help but think it would have been nice if we’d just gotten to be kids and enjoy our childhood, without feeling like—” He waved his hand, as if to erase what he’d been saying. “Never mind.”
I finished for him, very quietly. “Without feeling like we had to earn their love.”
He nodded. “I hate to sound so ungrateful, and I’d never say any of this to another soul. But you understand what it was like. You’re the only one who does.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“So, maybe that’s why I keep failing at relationships,” Dallas said, “because I never feel like I’m worthy of love.”
I understood that to my core.
Dallas and I ended up spending the rest of the day together. We had dinner and talked for hours, and it felt great to catch up. It wasn’t exactly like old times, but that was okay. It was going to take some time to rebuild our relationship after drifting apart for the past few years, but this was a big step in the right direction.
He drove me back to the house a little before midnight, after messaging his friend Tony and confirming the party had broken up. I wanted to make sure all the chaos and distraction had died down before I tried talking to Harper again.
When we pulled to the curb, I gave Dallas a hug, being careful not to squash the chicken, who was back inside my flannel shirt. “Thank you for today,” I said. “It meant a lot.”
“To me, too. Let’s talk soon.”
“Definitely.”
I climbed out of the convertible and watched as my brother drove away. Then I stalled for another minute and paced back and forth on the sidewalk. I was nervous about talking to Harper. Even though I knew what I wanted to say, I wasn’t sure the words would be there when I needed them.
Finally, I took a deep breath and went inside. Kel was in the living room with all three dogs, and he said, “Hey. I wasn’t sure if you were coming back tonight.”
“I came back to talk to Harper. I broke up with him this afternoon, but I think I made a big mistake.” Kel took Loco from me when I held her out to him, and I asked, “Do you know where he is right now?”
His brow creased. “Yeah, but you’re not going to like it.”
“Why, where is he?”
“He’s on one of the lounge chairs on the pool deck, but he’s not alone.”
A sinking feeling settled in my gut as I crossed the room and pulled back the edge of the white curtain. Sure enough, Harper was where Kel said he was, and curled up right beside him was none other than Dani. I couldn’t see them that well since the lights were low, but Harper had his arm around the model, and Dani was resting his head on Harper’s shoulder.
