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I hear dishes clatter into the sink, and I glance at Jules. Her face is scrunched up like she’s holding back a laugh. My lips twitch in amusement. Aria giggles and the sound is magic. She hasn’t been doing much laughing lately, according to Mom. She’s taken Theo disappearing pretty hard, which is to be expected. It’s been a week and there’s been no word from him. He hasn’t been back home, nor showed for work. I have no desire to see my brother, but it pisses me off that he hasn’t even called Aria. He’s done so much damage to this family.
Jules brings Aria’s plate and sets it in front of her before reclaiming her seat.
“Thank you,” Aria says before shoving a big bite in her mouth.
I sit back in my chair and watch Jules as she watches Aria. The cuts from Theo’s attack are mostly gone. Except for the deeper one on her forehead, which is scabbed over, the others are just faint pink marks. The bruises on her wrists and thighs have faded as well.
My eyes move to Aria. This is the first night she’s been here since everything went down with Theo. I can tell Jules has missed seeing her just as much as I have. We all thought it was best that Aria stayed with my parents, so it didn’t rile Theo if he came by to see her. With him not making contact so far, Jules and I decided to take her for a night to give Mom and Dad a break. Aria was ecstatic, to say the least. It’s not that she doesn’t like staying with her Gamma and Pa, she’s just used to seeing me more than she has lately. We’ve always been close and she’s normally at my house at least once a week. It warms my heart that she missed me too.
“I’m done,” Aria announces, dropping her fork on her plate. “Can I let Goodie roll in his ball for a little while?”
“Sure,” I answer. “But not for long. You need a bath before bed.”
“Okay.”
She gets up from her chair and takes off for her bedroom. Jules gets up and grabs the milk glasses and Aria’s plate to take to the kitchen. I follow behind her and pin her to the counter as she rinses the dishes.
“Mmm…,” I mumble as I nibble on her neck.
She tilts her head to the side, giving me access to a particularly sensitive part.
“We can’t do this,” she breathes out heavily. “Aria could come in at any time.”
“I just need a taste,” I groan, slipping my tongue out and licking across her shoulder. “She’s occupied for the moment.”
It satisfies a primal part of me to hear the catch in her breath and see her hands gripp
ing the edge of the counter. I press my hard cock against her backside, showing her just how crazy she makes me. Tonight, I’m forced to sleep on the couch because Aria doesn’t need to know we’re sleeping together. Jules and I both agreed it’s better that way, especially since Theo constantly had a woman over. Of course, Jules tried adamantly to claim the couch, but I just as adamantly refused. There’s no fucking way I’ll make her sleep on the damn couch, even if I know my feet will hang over the edge and my back will be as stiff as a board tomorrow. My girl’ll be comfortable no matter what.
However, I’m really not looking forward to sleeping by myself after knowing what it’s like to sleep with her in my arms.
I spin Jules around and place my hands on the counter on either side of her, caging her in. Her hands press against my lower stomach and she peeks up at me through her thick lashes, a soft smile playing on her lips. I will my cock down before it splits my damn jeans. The woman is lethal to my body.
After thoroughly exploring her mouth with mine, I ask her something that’s been on my mind lately.
“Why haven’t you tried therapy to get your memories back?”
The smile slips from her face and her eyes drop to my chest. She looks contemplative for several moments as her head slightly tilts to the side and frown lines appear between her eyes. It’s several minutes before she brings her troubled gaze back to mine and answers.
“I don’t know for sure. The doctor suggested it along with regular therapy. He gave me a card of a place to call but said there was a chance it wouldn’t work. I never used it.” Her frown deepens, and her voice lowers when she continues. “Maybe a part of me didn’t want to remember and didn’t want to take the chance it would work. Maybe a part of me still doesn’t want to.”
Her words hit me hard, because a selfish part of me doesn’t want her to remember either, and it fucking kills me that there’s a chance she still might. It terrifies me to think of her remembering such a dark part of me, a part I know will change her opinion of me. My guts twist into knots with thoughts of her hating me, especially after being with her the last week. She has no idea how easily she could decimate me if she were to remember and her passion and tenderness turned to fear and loathing.
It also petrifies me at the thought of me remembering that side of myself. Anytime the thought of hurting Jules enters my mind, I want to jam nails in my fucking ears and ram my head through a brick wall until they go away.
I’m an asshole, but I also don’t want her to remember her life with Theo. Even if he is a fucked-up twisted bastard now, at one point in their past, Jules must have loved him. I don’t want her to remember the life they shared or the love she felt for him. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of her missing him or wishing things back to the way they once were.
On the other hand, having a part of your life stripped from you is torturous. Jules and I both share this hardship. We both have pieces of our lives missing. As much as I don’t want to remember, I feel like I should, since it’s had such a huge impact on so many people. The guilt and pain of those memories would be crushing, but it would be no less than what I deserve. Watching Jules go through her own pain of having those memories returned would be excruciating. Seeing fear in her eyes as she looks at me would be agonizing, but I would go through it all if it eventually led to her being at peace.
Jules looks at me warily, as if she should be worried about feeling the way she does about not wanting to remember. I wrap my arms around her and tug her closer to me.
“It’s okay to feel that way,” I tell her. “I’m sure it’s normal to be scared of remembering the unknown.” I clear my throat and force the next words out through a thick throat. “But if you want to try therapy, I want you to know I’ll support you. And if you prefer for me not to be there but would like someone to be, you can always ask Ella or Mom.”
Her head hits my chest and she snuggles against me. I soak up the feeling and hope I’ll always have it, no matter what she decides.
“Thank you,” she whispers against my chest.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come to your appointment with you tomorrow? I don’t like you going alone.”
