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Hailey nodded absently, and searched in her bag for her keys locating them after a few moments. ‘Say hi to Tom for me.’
‘I will.’
Callum watched her leave. He sat as the door shut after her. He placed his head on the desk.
That went well.
And think she did. All the way to her apartment, mulling over the things Callum had said. About being a slave to her guilt, being chained by it, unable to move forward. And about his stunning confession.
He loved her? It seemed crazy but she believed him. She’d seen the sincerity oozing from him. He loved her. Since the moment she’d taken Tom’s hand.
Paul was waiting for her at the door when she arrived home. ‘I missed you today.’
She looked into his face, searching his gaze. She hadn’t missed him. She’d thought about Callum and been absorbed in her work and, yes, she’d thought about Paul and him wanting her to go back to the UK. But she hadn’t missed him. Not like she’d missed Callum this past two days. There’d been none of the anticipation inside her as she’d driven home to Paul that had been there that morning going to work, knowing she would be seeing Callum.
She smiled at Paul, averting her face so his lips landed somewhere near her ear.
‘Everything OK?’ Paul frowned.
‘Sure,’ she dismissed. She headed towards the kitchen, turning back to ask, ‘When did you realise you loved me?’
She watched the puzzled look on Paul’s face. Eric had looked at her like that when she’d asked him to do something and he had been trying to fathom why.
‘A few weeks ago.’ He shrugged. ‘The counsellor I was telling you about, she was urging me to look around my life, to evaluate it, and it’s been so…empty. And we used to have such good times, do you remember, you, me and Eric? And I want that back. I want to laugh again. We always laughed when we were with you.’
Hailey nodded her head slowly. They had laughed a lot. With Eric. In fact, all their happy memories were bundled up with Eric. But looking at Paul now, standing before her, it was obvious that Eric had been their glue. Had she stayed and they’d somehow managed to weather the storm of grief, they would have had nothing keeping them together. ‘Yes, we did. We laughed a lot. But that’s not love, Paul.’
‘We did love each other. Before Donna came back and complicated things. Before Eric…before he…’
‘Before Eric died. He died, Paul. You can’t even say the word.’
‘It’s hard, damn it!’ Paul yelled.
Hailey’s nerves jumped at the reprimand in his voice. She swallowed a lump and felt tears come to her eyes. ‘It wasn’t my fault.’ She looked straight at him.
‘Please, Hailey, you don’t have to worry about that any more. I’ve moved on. It happened and I don’t want you to beat yourself up about it any longer.’
She’d been waiting for him to agree. To say, yes, he knew it wasn’t her fault. But suddenly she realised she was never going to hear it. Callum had been right. She’d let him blame her. Subconsciously allowed him to heap guilt on her. Eric’s death had been sudden and tragic. But just as with Sarah’s rapid deterioration, it hadn’t been her fault.
‘It wasn’t my fault,’ she repeated. ‘And I’m not going to beat myself up about it any more.’
‘Good.’
She looked at him for a long moment. They’d shared something special for a while that may have grown into something lasting had a hand grenade not been thrown into their happy suburban existence. But all she felt for him now was a residual sense of loss. She couldn’t give him what he needed and he certainly couldn’t give her what she needed. Unconditional love.
‘Sit down, Paul, we need to talk.’
Tom and his grandparents were waiting for him when Callum got home from work and he was grateful for the distraction. Tom’s chatter filled up all the aching places in his heart and it felt so good to hold his squirming little body on his lap again.
Callum was relieved, though, when Tom went to bed a couple of hours later without complaint. Tom had been so wound up that Callum had been prepared for him to bounce off the walls until late in the evening, but days of sun and surf had obviously worn him out. He tucked Tom in, brushing the hair off his son’s face as he dropped a kiss on his forehead.
‘Daddy, when can I see Hailey?’
Callum stilled. Where had that come from? He wished he could say tomorrow. Or, better still, tell Tom to go in and say goodnight to Hailey right now. But he didn’t want to promise Tom anything he couldn’t deliver. Which was one of the reasons he shouldn’t have let himself or his son get too close in the first place. If Hailey rejected his love, took off to England with Paul, he wouldn’t be the only one who suffered.
