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“And if they don’t accept?” Zeke asked, resting crossed forearms on the table.
“Anyone else can shout your name out and you don’t have a choice, you have to bond with them.”
He didn’t veil his disgust. “And if more than one person does?”
“Then you get to choose, but I’ve never seen that happen,” Cadence said. “No one ever says it, but bonding ceremonies are for losers, the leftovers. Anyone who can sets their bonds up in advance, so it’s not often there are surprises, but that’s why no one misses a bonding ceremony. Everyone’s hoping for drama.”
Rory dragged her eyes away from Zeke’s arms. He’d held her like she was precious and handled her like she was an explosive only he could prime to go off. And then he wouldn’t let her do the same for him. As though he’d only taken pity on her desperation. The thought made her face get hot.
“How did you manage to avoid it?” he asked.
“I declined to bond when my name was called the first year.” Cadence rolled her eyes. “It caused a scandal. First time it ever happened. They rewrote the rules after that, and the next year Bobby Knox called my name and I declined again and no one else claimed me. I got lucky because everyone thinks I’m a frigid freak. But they’re not going to let that happen again. I’ve got too many black marks. They’ll find some way to trap me.”
“Not if we can outsmart them first,” Zeke said. “Bond with me.”
Cadence’s eyes bulged. “What? No. No, never.”
“Look,” Zeke scrubbed at his hair, showing discomfort to match Cadence’s. “I don’t want to bond with anyone and neither do you. It’d be completely platonic. We’re perfect for each other.”
Cadence pushed away from the table and went across to the little kitchen. “Why don’t you want to bond? It doesn’t make sense. You could have anyone you wanted. You don’t even need to go through this. All you have to do is pick someone and go sign the bonding book at HQ.”
Zeke watched her carefully. He’d be assessing her stress level, working out his best approach. “It’s not how I roll.”
With her back to them, Cadence said, “That’s not how you used to roll. Welcome to Abundance.” She filled the kettle and put it on the burner. Took mugs down from the cupboard and decided they needed washing. She fussed about to avoid the conversation, but Rory knew she was buying time while she processed the offer.
Zeke knew it too. He quit watching Cadence and turned to Rory. “There’s someone else.” Okay, that should work. She gave him a conspiratorial grin. This was a good plan. It would keep Cadence safe from a match she didn’t want and make life easier for Zeke.
“Someone I’ve known a long time, been in love with since we were kids. Someone I can’t ever have.”
She reached for his hand, amazed she was able to move at all because his words meant for her jammed her heartbeat.
Mugs clattered on the sink. They sounded like Rory’s known world crashing around her.
Cadence knocked the tea canister over, spilling herbs all over the counter. “Because they’re in the decay?”
“It’s complicated.” Zeke meet her hand across the table, palm to palm, fingers locking down on hers.
“You should move on,” Cadence said.
Rory was aware of two things. Cadence shifting about in the kitchen with her back to them and the fact her blood had stopped pumping.
“It might be exactly what you need,” Cadence said.
Zeke’s eyes were on her face. Not playful, not the studied nonchalance of a con in action. She saw remorse and resignation. “I know I need to get over her, but I’m not there yet.” He tightened his grip on Rory’s hand. “I know it’s pointless to crave something I can’t ever have, but that’s where I’m at for now and it’ll take time to change it.” He pulled his hand away. Rory’s breath caught painfully. “Time neither of us have.”
She lost the threads of the conversation after that, distracted by how her body fought its way back to life, her heart hiccupping to a start, her lungs swelling painfully and creaking as they contracted, her head heavy with the knowledge that Zeke loved her, and he was ending what they never should’ve begun.
Cadence came back to the table with the tea and Zeke talked their bond of convenience through reminding her he’d keep his promise not to be anything more than roommates and friends.
Rory could barely look at him and not feel right down to her DNA what they’d done together. But Zeke had said what he’d needed to say, and all his attention was on Cadence.
Last night, he’d had tears in his eyes and she’d known guilt in advance of ecstasy at his hands before the quiet realization that they were stumbling into each other like addicts who weren’t thinking straight had been instantly sobering.
She’d barely slept from the knowledge that she’d tried to direct a lightning strike and nearly electrocuted them both. She’d lain awake in the dark trying to forget how Zeke’s hands had lit her up, how his kisses had shorted her reasoning, turning her into a greedy fiend and how she’d never expected that.
It wasn’t fair to him that this place had made her feel isolated and needy. It wasn’t right that her anxiety had morphed into carnal curiosity and she’d selfishly laid that on him.
This morning she’d tried to rewind, edit that failing out. Her relationship with Zeke was too important to screw up over an unfortunate lapse in concentration, and losing their focus was dangerous.
