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35: Probation
Foley let it get as far as buttons. Hers. Open. She’d made Mark wait a long time for this. She had sexy new underwear on. She wanted it to be special for him. He touched her tattoo and she flinched. And not in a good way.
She was already jeans-less and Mark was down to his boxers. This was supposed to be normal, ordinary, nice first-time sex with a man she cared about. Her mother loved him. Nat considered him an appropriate rebound guy. If they were going to keep seeing each other, sex was inevitable.
Except it wasn’t.
Mark sighed. He rested his forehead on her shoulder. “Fuck, Foley.” He never swore. He was the least swearingist person she knew.
“I’m sorry.” She pulled her shirt over her chest.
“It’s really not going to happen?”
She shook her head. “No.” It was never going to happen and deep down they both knew it.
Mark sat up abruptly and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I think we’re done.” That was abrupt too, but it was for the best. “I’m way more into you than you’re into me.”
Another truth, another dose of feeling crappy for the way she’d treated Mark. She’d let him hope things might be different. She’d turned Mark into what she’d have become if Drum had stuck around; upbeat, hopeful, patient, the peppy cheerleader—the ultimate loser. The irony of that was a special kind of poisoned barb.
“You’re not over that homeless guy.”
She couldn’t hate Mark for anything except the truths he was batting at her. He was a great guy: intelligent, funny, compassionate, good company, supportive of her new job and other interests. He fitted ea
sily in her life. He was a guy you could build a normal future with. But he was Hugh when he had hair, without the smirk. She felt no desire for him and it was time to let him go.
She sat and hugged him from behind. She’d been honest with him the entire time she’d known him, except for the part about not wanting him in her bed. She’d thought she could get past that. She’d had sex with a hopelessly complicated and conflicted homeless guy on the night she’d discovered he wasn’t who he seemed. Sex with Mark should’ve been easy, especially as he made no secret of his affection for her. Trouble was she loved the memory of the homeless guy more than the careful touch of the good guy.
They dressed. She got teary. He did what a good guy would do and soothed her.
“We’re finished, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” He actually said that. He was the sweetest man, because he believed it too.
“Why would you want anything more to do with me? I’ve been a really average girlfriend.”
He gave her his big, genuine smile. “Nothing wrong with average. We just weren’t meant to be.”
He kissed her forehead. She hugged him with more feeling than she’d ever shown and then she was alone on her new sofa on a Saturday night with a large packet of salt and vinegar chips and a sense of relief. Until Nat called.
“Turn on the TV.”
The TV was on. Foley changed stations until she got to the current affairs program Nat wanted her to see. Oh shit, NCR Pharmaceuticals. “I don’t want to watch this.”
“Yes, you do. I saw the preview.”
She switched stations. “So tell me what I’m missing because I’m going to watch an episode of The Walking Dead instead. It’ll be safer, more wholesome, less traumatising and it won’t give me bad dreams.”
“Hey, weren’t you planning a big night with Mark?” Foley could hear Nat rumbling around, the clatter of dishes.
“We broke up. Half an hour ago.”
“Holy shit.” The rumbling stopped. “Do you want me to come over?”
“No. I’m fine. It was the right thing to do. Nice guy, but … anyway, I want calories and TV drama, not current affairs.”
“He’s back, Foley. He’s not a homeless man with problems anymore.”
“La, la, la, la. I don’t want to know.” She stuffed a finger-load of chips in her mouth and crunched, said with a mouthful, “Oh God, tell me everything. But I can’t watch it.”
“He looks, Jesus Christ, he’s a hunk. You’d know if you were watching. He looks ten years younger without all the hair. He launched a new charity, he’s the CEO and its funding comes from his own private wealth, matched by NCR.”
