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Taylor marched across the kitchen and pushed Jamie’s shoulder until he faced her. “That’s not true.”
“That’s my version of the truth. The one where I always thought I was too straight for you. Too much accountant. Not enough rock star.”
Taylor shook her head like it was filled with bees. “No, that can’t be right.”
“Why not? It’s the version where my best friend finally let me be more.” Jamie closed his eyes and Georgia considered leaving the room, but she still didn’t trust Taylor not to retreat from the punch of Jamie’s words. “Where my best friend became my lover and I thought I’d found what I needed for the rest of my life, until she dumped me when the sun came up.”
Taylor clutched at her throat. “You lie.”
“It’s the version where I hoped she’d call me, email me, get on a plane and visit, anything to acknowledge that night meant something to her, and I get nothing. And when I man up after all the silence and call her, I get voicemail, ignored emails, more nothing. It’s the version where I call my brother and I ask what’s wrong and he says nothing and I know he’s lying. Let’s go with that version of the truth.”
“No! Jamie, stop. Shut up.”
“No, Trill. No more. Because I’m still living that truth, the one where the only girl I’ve ever loved can’t look at me and I don’t even get to be her friend anymore, just someone she once knew who plays her music to sing with on weekends.”
“You don’t want this truth.”
“I’m standing here in front of you asking for it, like I’ve done a thousand times, a thousand different ways. No plane to catch. No other woman in my life. Shit,” he put a hand to his hair and pulled at it, “I’m almost gay for Sam it’s been so long since I’ve been interested in another woman.”
“You think it’s bad between us now.” Taylor flung her hands out in front of her, either in defeat or she was regrouping. Georgia kept her place in the doorway. “If I tell you, you’ll hate me forever.”
Jamie sighed. “How far off that do you think we are now? How long do you think I can hang in there thinking we might get past this?”
“I got pregnant.”
Jamie’s breath snagged and he reached for Taylor, then just as quickly dropped his arm. Georgia stepped towards them then stopped. What did she think she was going to do?
“Yeah, that’s right. Me pregnant.”
Jamie frowned. “Okay, so—”
“It was yours.”
He shook his head, the movement ricocheted thought his body. “But.”
“You only thought I slept around. You weren’t first, but…” Taylor looked at the floor. “I don’t know how it happened, but you can’t have been quick enough pulling out that first time, and it was enough, it was enough, I got pregnant and I didn’t want a baby and I knew if I told you, you’d quit and come home and want to, I don’t know,” she shifted restlessly, “marry me, do the right thing. I didn’t want to be your right thing. I wanted you to have your career because it wasn’t what you wanted first, but you were trying to make it that way anyway and I loved you enough not to want to stop that.”
“Oh God, Trill.”
“Don’t call me that.”
Jamie went to the table and pulled out the chair he’d righted after Damon knocked it over. He slumped into it, elbows to the table, head in his hands. His breathing stuttered in his throat.
Taylor rounded the table to stand in front of him. “The truth goes like this. I was so sick, sick all the time and Damon was in LA, but Angus knew something was wrong, so I told him and he was good to me. I didn’t tell him it was yours. It was better that way because I wasn’t keeping it. He drove me to the clinic, and he sat with me in the waiting room and when I panicked and changed my mind,” Jamie’s head came up, he stared at Taylor, “he brought me home again and I told him it was yours and I wanted to keep it.”
“Oh my God.”
“He went out to get food. We were going to call you together. You want more of this truth, Jamie, because it goes like this: I felt sick, I’d felt sick all day. I thought it was nerves. I was terrified about aborting the baby and scared to death of keeping it, but it was yours and that’s all that mattered. By the time Angus got back none of that mattered. I lost the baby anyway.”
Jamie stood, the chair barking on the floor. He gripped the table edge. He was having trouble breathing, his mouth open. Georgia felt Damon’s presence behind her and eased into his arms. Tears sat on Taylor’s cheeks and she wiped them away with jerky movements. Someone should’ve gone to her but they were all transfixed.
“There’s more, you want more? If I told you, you’d have come home.”
“Of course I would’ve.” Jamie gasped but the words came out of him as if they were a universal truth, like gravity. He moved around the table to where Taylor stood, but she didn’t let him close.
“And screwed up your career for something else you didn’t choose.”
“But I did choose, Trill.” Jamie moved again and so did Taylor. “I chose you before I even understood what that meant. When we were kids back home and Damon could still see.” He put his hand to his chest and pressed down. “I’ve never not chosen you, but you kept this from me. Angus too. I could’ve been with you.” He pulled out a chair and sat down again abruptly, struggling to catch his breath. “My kid, fuck. This is fucked.”
