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Merrill frowned. Her eyes shifted to Barrett and back. Was she thinking of Reece?
“I got so underweight I stopped ovulating. I’m still not. I can’t possibly be pregnant.”
That set Merrill off again and in turn upset Joe and ended what had been a surprisingly enjoyable night, given its agenda.
Barrett stayed another week, long enough for Les to write up their agreement about Mia’s guardianship and to sign it, long enough that Mia stopped being hesitant around him and Jeremy grovelled again. He left with a promise to be back by the time Mia was ready for a school uniform and Audrey missed him the moment he was gone, despite the relief of having the house to herself again nights and weekends.
She settled in at work. Mia stopped asking about Reece quite as often and was happy with Cameron. Cameron stopped looking drawn and went on a date with a new man. Audrey put on weight, but not where she expected to, the usual places, hips and waist. She still wasn’t ovulating and that was a concern, but Doc Barber wasn’t overly worried. What was a concern was her lack of energy. She was eating like food was the only thing keeping her from sleep and sleeping like being comatose was the only thing keeping her feet moving. She’d known the new job would be stressful but feeling exhausted was a new addition to her life.
Doc Barber didn’t think it was related to the meningitis, but ordered a full battery of blood tests anyway. Audrey ordered organic fruit and vegetables and tried to eat more nutrient rich food and get more exercise to build her energy levels. She managed to get through the workday without needing a snooze at her desk but was a zombie by the time she got home. In desperation one weekend, so tired she almost scalded Mia with too hot bathwater, she called Merrill and asked if she’d take Mia the next afternoon.
Merrill arrived with cake and a pop-up princess book for Mia, which kept her quiet while they talked.
“Wow, you looked buggered.” Merrill put the kettle on and Audrey was content to let her buzz around the kitchen. “What if we took Mia for a sleepover?”
“That would be Christmas rolled in chocolate, turbo stuffed with kindness.” Mia would love it and Audrey could go to bed and stay there without interruption. She closed her eyes in anticipation, it would be bliss.
“Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”
Audrey opened her eyes to find Merrill staring at her. “It would be an immaculate conception.”
“You were sleeping with Reece.”
“And we were responsible. Plus it was impossible.” One close to no good condom, and one risky withdrawal not withstanding. It was still impossible.
“I want you to do something for me.”
“I’ve seen Doc Barber. She should have blood test results this week. I’m sure it’s nothing, just work and Mia and life.” And maybe a dose of depression because God, she missed Reece.
“I want you to pee on a stick.”
“A pregnancy test. You’re kidding me?”
She wasn’t. Merrill put a test kit on the counter. She poured tea. “Drink up, Aud. There is something wrong and I’m worried. What can it hurt? It will eliminate one thing.”
Audrey looked at the test kit and felt all her blood rush to feet and pool in her ankles. She put her head in her hands. There was something not right, and having Merrill express her concern was permission to accept the weight of not feeling well.
Her whole body felt strange to her, as if it didn’t belong. She was too thin but her breasts were swollen and tender. She was drained even after good sleep, and hungry all the time.
She’d been nauseous constantly with Mia and barely able to eat, except for a surprising amount of ice cream. She had no memory of this sapping tiredness though, and anyway it was an irrelevant comparison. She couldn’t be pregnant.
She drank her tea and ate two pieces of cake. Mia was still engrossed in the princess book. So quiet Audrey had to check she wasn’t up to mischief. She drank more tea. Merrill wasn’t making a move to go until pee hit the stick and Audrey wanted sleep more than she wanted to argue the inappropriateness of it.
She took the kit to the bathroom. When she finished with it, Merrill and Mia were dancing in the lounge room. She put the packaging in the bin and left the stick on the kitchen counter and went to watch. Mia’s version of the twist was super cute. Where had she gotten that from? It had to be Reece, because it wasn’t Barrett or Cameron.
All that dancing made Mia thirsty. They went back to the kitchen and Audrey hunted in the fridge for the juice poppers Mia liked. She’d pack a couple for Merrill to take with her in Mia’s sleepover kit. If she packed Mia’s bag, Merrill would take the hint and get a move on.
She turned to tell Merrill that Mia had a new favourite bedtime story and everything in her safe, controlled, organised and reliable world changed. It only took one look at Merrill’s face to make her grab for the stick. That plus symbol, clear as the winter sea stared back at her. She floundered. “It’s a mistake.” She put her hands over her stomach, an involuntary action she dropped as soon as she recognised she’d done it.
“It could be, but it’s not likely.”
“What’s a mistake, Mum?”
It had to be a mistake. There was no need to panic. “Go in the other room, Mia.” She needed to think.
“Can I watch Nemo?”
Merrill took Mia’s hand. “I’ll put it on for you.”
