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“Far out. What about Mia?”
“She’s fine. Audrey’s friends are looking after her.”
“Instead of you.”
He took another drag and coughed.
“Is Audrey going to be all right?”
“I don’t know.” He stubbed his fag out on the brickwork and flicked the butt into the garden.
“Hey.” She rammed her elbow in his hip. “You made us weed that.”
“Charlie would know you’re smoking.”
“No way.” She blew a fucking smoke ring.
“She’d know.”
“Then she’d be all over me.”
“Maybe not. Think about it.”
“Reverse psychology.” Etta looked at the tip of her fag. “Do you think I’m addicted yet?”
“Do you think having an addiction is cool?” He could tell by the way she waited for his response, half ready to leap down his throat if he said the wrong thing, that she did think it was cool. Fucking hell. He didn’t know what the right thing to say was.
“What else are you doing you shouldn’t be doing, Ett?”
She took a another drag, let it out on a lazy sigh. “Meaning?”
He ticked them off on his fingers. “Detention. Dope. Drugs. Dudes.” Shit, he could play for shocks too. “Dudettes?”
“Are you asking if I’m a virgin?” Ice, she was too scary cool.
“I’m asking if you’re fucking up your life.” Like he’d once very nearly fucked his up. “My boss nearly died today. I did a stupid thing last night and forgot my keys, so I couldn’t get in the house. I had to break the door down. If it’d been the weekend, she could be dead already.”
“None of that is on me.”
“No, but shit, Etta. Are you fucking up?”
She flicked her butt into the garden too. “Not at school. I’m good there. I smoked dope. It was foul. I threw up everywhere. It was so embarrassing.” She waited to see what he’d say but he knew there was more. “I want to do other drugs. Everyone does. I want to try them, but I am scared of getting addicted.”
She was scared, but only in that it wouldn’t happen to me, I’m smarter than that way you could be at sixteen.
“Charlie would put you on the street before that happened and then you’d have more than addiction to worry about. And I’d come at you so hard, Ett, you wouldn’t know which way was sunshine.”
“You can back off, tough guy. Everyone at school does drugs, prescription and street, so don’t get all up me for skipping a class and smoking. And yeah, Mum probably does know, but she’s cool about it, so you have to be too. Anyway, why would I take any shit from you on this?”
“You know why.”
“Because you’re my big brother.” She mimicked tiny with her index finger and thumb in his face.
He batted her hand away. “You know why.”
“I don’t, you know. It’s still this big secret. You left home and you stayed away and we hardly saw you and when we did you were messed up, bad temper, scabs and bruises and Mum wouldn’t talk about it. Am I ever going to know what happened?”
He could dodge this. He wanted to. But it didn’t seem right to sit here and lie to Etta on the day Audrey might die. And he wanted better for her. Girls didn’t get the same second chances. Sucked, but it was true.
