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“No, it’s not that.”
“Thomas O’Connell, what do you mean? I’m the one with the four languages and I have no idea what you’re saying. Did something happen with you and the roommate?”
Josh would see it anyway. “We hooked up.”
“What? Like, ooh. I’d high-five you but we’re not fifteen. And?”
“We’re not fifteen. I’m not giving you details.”
“Lift, hold and drop.”
The tagline from the Kegel device advertising. “Something like that.”
“And you don’t want another woman as a roommate.”
“I don’t want a roommate, but you talked me into this condo and this mortgage, and Harry fucked over my plan to be able to manage my debt. Tell me more about Eunice.”
“She’s my cousin, that’s the only important thing you need to know. She’s little and snarky and ambitious and wants to be the managing editor of the Courier.”
“Works long hours?” He’d had a list of rules he’d tried to put Flick off with.
“Do the words my cousin mean anything to you?”
“Doesn’t smoke, do drugs. Have stripper friends who like to party or a pet—” what was it Flick had said “—iguana?”
Josh’s brows lifted. “I’d like Eunice a lot more if she had stripper friends. No iguana. She’s allergic to scales.”
“Doesn’t leave her things all over the place?”
“Tidiness is a Lam family tradition. It’s scalded into us.”
“My preference is for a roommate who lives like a cloistered nun—” who’d never touched a vibrator, let alone used it as a weapon “—who’s taken a lifelong vow of silence.”
“I already mentioned the speech chip is removable. Knew you’d be interested in that.”
“She sounds perfect.”
“I see you don’t want a roommate.” Josh took his glasses off, checked them for smudges and put them back on. “Nice to know I was irreplaceable, and speaking of perfect, how is Wren?”
“She misses you.”
“You miss me.” Josh blew a kiss.
“She complains about that, but nothing else. She got screwed over just as badly as I did. Worse, since it’s not the first time she’s been robbed of a promotion she deserves.”
Josh wrinkled his nose and his glasses shifted. “I miss her. It’s so frustrating I’m not bi. She’d be my soul mate.”
“Your soul mate has to be someone you’re in love with, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, Tom,” said Josh with his are-you-a-moron tone, “that’s how it works. I love Wren, but I’m not in love with her, in part because I don’t want to sleep with her, but that’s kind of a deal-breaker and you know all this.”
“I know nothing about this stuff.” He wanted to sleep with Flick, to Scorpion and Butterfly and take her against a plaster wall, and he loved her, at least that’s what he thought it was he felt. The deal-breaker was that she was a reverse Josh—she wanted to Scorp
ion and Butterfly and bubble bath with him, she loved his body, but she didn’t love him. “I like old classic music and hiking and my investment-grade condo and cooking decent food and working. Hookups are an adjacent activity.”
“I don’t think Eunice would be into you. As far as I know she lives on air, coffee, click rates and newsprint.”
He turned to check the oven timer. “She’s hired.” He heard Flick before he saw her.
