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“Reid, I would deal with it.” The idea gave her brain freeze but if he wanted it . . . oh God, could she do it? She’d nearly imploded when she’d seen that bitch kiss him, could she watch it happen and not feel the same gut-wrenching dread?
He stood, shoved his hands in his pockets. “I wouldn’t want you to deal with it. I’m having trouble dealing with this. I did that for you. If you want it again, I’ll be there with you, but I don’t want it for me.”
And if he’d said he wanted to share her more fully it would’ve cracked the ground beneath her feet. The window and Ancel had been unlooked for opportunities, but now she understood how much Reid had given them to her as gifts. Their roles had reversed. He’d been the one to lead. He’d done these things to give her the experiences she’d never had. The realization shook her, broke completely any hold his actions the night at Madame Amour’s had on her.
“It’s not like you have to make that decision now.”
He went to his knee, hands either side of her legs on the garden seat. “I made that decision when I found you at Lucky’s.”
Oh. Toughest of hides but peel him firmly enough and you got down to a luscious gooey center. She wove her fingers through his hair. “You’re allowed to change your mind, to be surprised by life.” Who was she to place limits on him, even when she wanted most to live within their limit of two?
He put his forehead to her knee. “If you think I can handle any more surprises after you, you’ve eaten too much sugar.” He stood and took her hands. “You are enough unexpected magic to keep me guessing for the rest of my life. Whatever rabbits you want to pull from your hat, I’ll be there to chase them and stuff them back inside, but it’s not my stage, I don’t want that spotlight.”
She stood and wrapped her arms around his back. She had enough spotlights in her life to need more, and an open mind about what kind of light she shined next, but she’d never have enough of a man who was content to stand beside her while she did it.
“Do you remember I told you what my sexual fantasy was?” It was weeks ago and they’d been joking around, playing Dark Souls. She’d made something up about having him at her feet while she pole danced, about having him outbid other men to get her to strip. It’d worked on him that night. She’d danced for him. She didn’t expect him to remember but if he did it would help. “It was kinky but not kinky sex.”
He looked away. “If I was a smarter man I’d take note of the little things. Sarina is allergic to lilies. You had a fantasy of having me at your feet and paying for the privilege of you stripping. The point was I had to outbid every other punter.”
She nodded. “The point is my fantasy isn’t about multiple partners.”
“Convenient, because I only want you.”
Every skill she’d cultivated to defy the laws of gravity, to tumble at rapid speed, propel her body to great height, turn herself near inside out hadn’t prepared her to win the competition that was Reid.
She didn’t need gold medals or cash prizes. She didn’t need other people for sex, and if she craved that extra kink, she trusted him to hold her on that unexpected ride.
She told him what she’d told him before. “If you break my heart I’ll kill you.”
TWENTY-NINE
Reid wouldn’t like to admit it, but over the next few days, every male member of the human race Zarley looked at made him bristle. The man behind the counter in the cheese shop, the cab driver, the guy on the metro platform whose dropped book she picked up. He watched her expecting to see, well, what? Was she supposed to look like she wanted to jump them? Was she supposed to show him any less attention because they’d had a kinky sex experience on a park bench? Because if anything he felt her love come at him harder than ever.
Add to that, he’d never been so happy. With Zarley, the world was brighter colors, louder noises, more infectious laughter and a deep comfort within himself that was foreign. Better to-fucking-gether. What did he need to prove to the world if he had Zarley in it?
Mom heard it in his voice when he called and was convinced he’d found an idea for a new business. He’d barely thought about work, and not about Plus at all since they arrived in Paris.
“It’s not work. It’s Zarley,” he’d said. Zarley who was inside a shop picking out new t-shirts for him.
Anyone else’s mom would caution him to be careful. First serious girlfriend, and only a student, a dancer; by which they hoped for Broadway, but envisaged stripper, and called it gold digger. Dev’s mom would’ve outright called him a sucker. Reid’s mom, who’d known very little love in her life, cried.
So he gave up worrying about it. It was a buzz kill. And when Zarley shared a laugh with the t-shirt seller, he let his heart swell around the sound and sight of her, content that everything she was made his life greater.
That’s how they spent the next week. Walkers, pastry eaters, museum and gallery patrons, bistro attendees, occasional shoppers, and lovers who wore each other out at night, and woke each other ready to start it all over again the next day.
Everyone’s mother would’ve told him it was too good to last.
Sarina’s message brought the real world crashing back in on them. Kuch and Owen both hospitalized after an accident. Both injured badly. Owen with broken back.
They flew home that day. Zarley could’ve stayed on, but it gladdened Reid she chose not to. His heart had to be the size of a giraffe’s now from all the love he felt from her.
It only made the flight home worse. That new two-foot long, twenty-five pound heart sat in his throat for ten hours. Kuch was in intensive care with serious internal injuries. He hadn’t woken. Owen was conscious, had spinal shock and was heavily sedated. They didn’t yet know if he had spinal cord complications. No one said it, but what Reid heard was the question of whether Owen would walk again.
He didn’t sleep. Couldn’t focus to read. The movies on offer were too formulaic to capture his attention. The pilot told lame jokes. And they had freaking turbulence that made him sick. Zarley didn’t try to tease him out of his misery. She got him to eat when he didn’t want to and that fixed his nausea. She held his hand. She told him how Cara broke her back and the spinal cord damage she’d suffered that left her with an occasional limp. Owen cycled. He went hiking and climbing. What if he couldn’t do those things again? Zarley gave him hope for Owen’s injury to be something he’d recover from.
But in the time it took them to get home, Kuch could be dead.
He wanted to fly
