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“Do you like the color they used on the walls?”
“You didn’t tell him.”
“He’s busy. You know that.”
“It’s not like my little cubicle is anywhere near his.”
Still, Cara saw more of Reid than Zarley did and when all three of them were home, it was Cara and Reid who talked up a storm, arguing about people and events, laughing at things Zarley had no part in. The company limbo contest, the double order mix-up of pizza on Pizza Friday that got eaten to the last anchovy. The time Reid told Doug, the head of sales, his waitress mother could do a better job of creating a pricing strategy than Doug, and then had to apologize, even though the whole sales team agreed, and someone asked when Mrs. McGrath might be available.
Cara tried out the new windows. They opened smoothly instead of grinding open inch by inch. “It’s not like what you were afraid of has happened?”
“What was I afraid of, little Miss Thinks She’s So Clever?”
“That he’d be an asshole.”
He wasn’t, it was worse. He broke one of her rules. “I don’t think he needs a girlfriend.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not like he was a serial dater before me. He was a loner.” That’s as close as she’d come to explaining Reid. “His passion was Plus and now he’s got it back.”
“Oh, Zar. That can’t be right. That man loves you. Can tell by looking at him when he looks at you.” Cara leaned against the pantry cupboard door. “Always could.”
“That’s what makes this messy. He does love me. But there’s not a lot of him left over and he’s happy. I’m the one with the problem.”
“Everyone who knew Reid before his meltdown says he’s changed. He’s still as obnoxiously up in everyone’s business as before, just as annoying and intimidating, but he’s more considerate, has more of a sense of humor about it. Sure, he learned his lesson losing Plus, but I think it’s having you that’s mellowed him. Fight for him. Give him an ultimatum. He makes more time for you—”
“Or what?”
“I do like the color they used. I see your point. You’re miserable, aren’t you?”
“The towel rails in the bathroom are cute.”
“Zarley.”
She sighed and jumped to sit on the countertop. Her feet were sore from her shift, standing for hours on a concrete floor. “I am miserable. It’s like we’ve come full circle. We were all about the sex when we started, because I didn’t want anything serious, now we’re all about the sex because we’re addicted to it. He needs the outlet and I’m too weak to say no, and there’s no time for anything else.”
“Reid is using you for sex.” Cara buried her face in her hands. “Na, na, na, nana. I can’t hear that. Work for the man, live in his apartment till I sign a new lease here.”
“He’s not using me anymore than I’m using him. But it’s like living with us isn’t enough for you, what we have isn’t enough for me.”
Cara eyed the bench. It was the only place to sit except the floor. She eased her backside onboard with a wince and a grunt. “Hmm, sturdy. Want to know what I think?”
“Not really.”
“Excellent, so I’ll tell you. The Zarley I trained with, the one who was around when I had my accident, who worked harder than any other gymnast I knew, was good at getting what she wanted.” Cara put a hand up. “Don’t say anything. I’m trying to be profound, but I opened my mouth a little ahead of my brain figuring out what I was going to say. Anyway. That Zarley chased what she wanted hard and apart from a few years where she was wobbly, that’s what she’s good at. So the way I figure it is you have to work out what you want and then go hard.”
“Is that it for profound?”
“Wasn’t my best ever piece of advice. I’m distracted by the shiny.”
“Sometimes you don’t get what you want.”
Cara shuffled her butt closer and laid her head on Zarley’s shoulder. Zarley rested her cheek on Cara’s hair. Both of them had wanted more from their gymnastics careers, and not getting it because their bodies weren’t in sync with their ambitions and their spirits still hurt. It would physically hurt Cara for the rest of her life.
“The part about figuring out what you want, that’s profound, so what do you want, Zar?”
Wishes and dreams, unicorns and rainbows. Her own business her own way. “I can tell you what I don’t want.”
