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She couldn’t look him in the eye as she scoffed. “Embarrassed? Me? No, I’m fine. Really.”
“Okay, well good. Because if you . . . if maybe you thought . . . ah, hell. I am screwing this all up. As attractive as I think you are, it’s not just that my wife died. She was murdered, killed while another soldier was having a psychotic break in our Base Exchange. It was just the wrong place at the wrong time, but I have a lot of unresolved stuff I’m still working on, and I really don’t feel like it’s fair to drag you into it. I like you, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
Hannah didn’t want to tell him that she was already hurt; it seemed like a petulant move for such a heartfelt admission.
Hannah reached out to lay her hand on his arm. “I am so sorry.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t change anything. She’s still gone and I’m still here, and I just . . . I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I just got caught up in the moment.”
Me, too.
Trying to muster a smile for him, she said, “I’m sorry for flying off the handle. It’s just, I’ve liked you for a while. I still think you shouldn’t kiss someone unless you mean it, but I understand that you aren’t looking for anything.”
His smile spread across his face, a flash of white in the dark. “I like spending time with you. I’d still like to finish our lesson sometime, and maybe we can still be friends?”
Ugh, the f word.
The last thing she wanted was to be just friends with Blake.
But she also didn’t want to give up being around him. Of seeing his hazel eyes light up or hearing his amazing voice saying her name.
Dear Lord, she was pathetic.
“Sure, we’re good. We can hang out and do things and be just friends.” The words were like salmon bones in her throat, hard to get out, and she almost choked on them.
“That sounds really good, actually,” he said.
“Then it’s settled. You have my number, if you ever want to talk or hang out.” At least she sounded cool and casual, if she didn’t exactly feel it.
“I will, and thanks for understanding.”
She nodded, climbing into her car and closing the door. He moved away from the car, and Hannah gave him a little wave as she backed out of the space.
Of all the ways she’d imagined the night ending, that had not been any of the scenarios.
Chapter Twelve
HANNAH’S CELL RANG the next afternoon just as she was getting on the freeway on her way to her substitute teaching job in West Sacramento, and she tapped the answer button on her car’s stereo screen.
“Hey, Nicki.”
“What’s up? You sound down.”
Hannah grimaced. It was the third time someone had commented on her sour mood. Kenny had asked her if she’d left her smile at home, and Chloe had asked her if she was okay right before she left. Luckily, Blake hadn’t stopped in to see how glum she was.
With Nicki, though, she could be completely honest about what was eating her. Twenty years of friendship had given her that.
“Oh, I’m fine. Just got a big fat no thanks from a guy I liked last night. No big thing.”
“What a dick! What did he say? I will beat his ass!”
Hannah laughed a little. “No, really, it wasn’t like that. He was really nice about it, even gave me the ‘it’s him and not me.’ ”
“Oh, hell no, that is some bullsh—”
“Nicki, really, he’s got his reasons, and they are good on
es. His wife was murdered two years ago, and he’s just not ready to date.”
