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“Doesn’t my file tell you that?” he sneered.
“Are you going to avoid my questions or make this easier on yourself? We both have to be here, Sergeant Kline, so we might as well work.” Her calm, no-nonsense tone was grating on his nerves. “Now, were you on duty?”
“You already know the answer to that.”
“Were . . . you—”
He cut her off, shouting out in frustration, “No, for fuck’s sake, I wasn’t on duty. I was watching football with my buddies and asked her to go to the store for more beer and food. I could’ve gotten off my ass and gone, and she’d still be alive. So no, I wasn’t on fucking duty, and yes, I blame myself.”
She scribbled something down and met his gaze head on. “But then you might be dead, and she’d be a widow now.”
It would have been better that way.
Blake didn’t add anything else, knowing he’d already said too much, if the way the doctor went about scribbling was any indication.
“You were going to tell me if you had been out with anyone since your wife was murdered.”
“Actually, I wasn’t.”
Dr. Stabler’s eyebrow rose. “Are you embarrassed by the answer?”
“No, I’m not embarrassed. I just don’t think it’s any of your business.”
Dr. Stabler sighed heavily. “Sergeant Kline, let me be blunt. The way that this works is I ask questions, and you answer them. If you don’t cooperate, I’ll have no choice but to inform General Reynolds and Sergeant Sparks. If that occurs, you may be removed from the Alpha Dog Program. So, if there is any reason why you may want to stay, I suggest you stop fighting me and let me help you.”
Blake was so close to telling her to go to hell and leave, but he took a second to think, his fingers running through his hair and rubbing his scalp painfully. He’d told himself he would try, that he’d commit to Alpha Dog and work to benefit the program. He could take a transfer and walk away, but then he’d have to leave his friends. And as big of a pain in the ass as they were, they were the glue that had kept him from falling apart.
Plus, if you left the city, you wouldn’t see Hannah again.
“Sergeant Kline?”
Blake took a deep, calming breath and answered, “No, I haven’t been out with anyone. My friends have tried to set me up, but I haven’t been interested.”
“What’s holding you back?” she asked.
“It’s only been two years. I’m just not ready, I guess.”
“Have you been attracted to anyone?”
She must have noticed his hesitation, because she smiled reassuringly. “It’s completely natural to be attracted to other people and feel guilty about it. In fact, it is very common.”
“If it’s so common, then how do you make it stop?”
“The guilt?”
“The attraction,” he corrected.
“Ahh. Why do you want to make it stop? Is she wrong for you?”
“Because it’s only been two years. My wife and I were together for eleven and knew each other our whole lives.”
“What was her name?” she asked.
“What?”
“What was your wife’s name? I ask because you haven’t said it once in fifteen minutes. You continue to simply call her ‘my wife.’ Are you afraid to say her name aloud? Is it painful?”
Blake shook his head, disgusted. “Anyone ever tell you that you have the sensitivity of a gorilla?”
