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His large hands were on her shoulder, stilling her, and Nova fought against the simple warmth of his touch, convinced it would vanish in an instant. “I’m so sorry. I really am. I’m just so sorry.”
Even as the words spilled from her lips, a weird sort of repetitive chant—“stupid, stupid, stupid”—kept running through her mind, an unceasing loop.
What had she done? How could she have been so dumb?
She had to apologize again. She had to make it right. She had to calm whatever anger he might have.
“Shh now. It’s fine. It’s just a bit of water and even if it wasn’t, it’s not fatal.”
The litany of self-recrimination didn’t stop but slowly she felt the soothing circles of his palm moving over her back. A bit later she heard the gentle words as he continued to croon to her in comfort.
She didn’t withdraw from his touch, but her voice was quiet when she spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He didn’t stop the gentle circles but he did move her away from the kitchen toward the large couch in his living room. The overstuffed leather was a match for the one in his office and she abstractly thought the man had good taste.
And that he knew what a couch was supposed to be. Big. Fluffy. Deep. Ready to swallow her whole in warmth and comfort.
Nikolas settled her in before turning to face her, taking her hands in his. “I’m sorry I pressed you at dinner.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
“No.” His eyes were serious as he brushed back a small lock of hair that had fallen out of her braid and over her eyes. “I think I do.”
They sat like that for a few minutes. Normally it made her uncomfortable to be stared at too long, like an object on display. But something in Nikolas’s kind, searching gaze didn’t bother her.
Rather, for the first time in longer than she could name, she felt as if someone saw her. Actually saw her.
Not as a colleague. Or as a toy to be manipulated. Or, even though her mother had loved her, as the residual effect of a love affair gone unfulfilled.
Nikolas looked at her—just her—when they were together.
“I’m sorry if I pushed you in a way you’re not ready. We just met this morning and I need to keep reminding myself of that. It’s just that—” He broke off, his eyes slightly unfocused before he centered back on her. “Did we really just meet this morning?”
She nodded, the fear that had suddenly swamped her in the kitchen fading to a subtle apprehension. “We did.”
“It seems like longer.”
“It does.”
And it did feel like longer. Like she and Nikolas had a genuine connection. As if something inside of her recognized the same inside of him.
Only she’d felt that before. With Ferdy. From that very first date, she’d felt a connection. She’d spent the rest of their time together trying to remember if it had been real and how to get it back.
Because after that first date, they’d never quite replicated it.
“I mean it. I won’t keep pressing you. But if there is anything you want to talk about, I will listen. Without judgment or recrimination.”
Nova nodded. For all her misgivings, there was a quality in his earnestness that spoke to her. Even the fact that he recognized she was spooked and was willing to back off said something, didn’t it?
Tell Nikolas.
Once again, that voice whispered in her head, encouraging her to trust her gut. Only this time, there was an added directive.
Trust him.
Such a simple, tantalizing thought.
One she’d sleep on and reconsider in the morning.
