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As I take one more look at Garrett, I can’t help but lean over and kiss his forehead. My lips linger for a moment, long enough to remember just how soft his touch is, and the saltiness of his skin. I fight back the tears that threaten to well up in my eyes as I realize we can’t be together no matter how badly either of us want it.
When I reach home, the lights are off in the house. I carefully tiptoe inside through the darkness and startle when Dad steps from the shadows of the kitchen and pulls me toward him.
“Where the hell have you been?” He growls. It’s so dark I can’t quite see his face. That’s what I think scares me the most right now. The thought of running back to my truck crosses my mind but for some reason I can’t get moving.
“I told you I was going out with some friends.” My voice sounds timid, small. “I’m an adult, Dad, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You’re under my roof, so you’ll do what the hell I tell you!” He screams in my face, some of his spit sprays in my direction and I am glad he can’t make out my disgusted expression.
“Dad,” I choke out. “I’m going to bed, you should to. I love you, okay? We can get you some help, you can be yourself again. I wish I knew what happened to you.”
I try to tug away from him, but he grabs me by my hair and yanks me back. Crying out, I try to stabilize myself but instead I fall face first into the counter. Shit, that fucking hurts. His footsteps fade out as he mumbles something I can’t make out. The room spins for a few minutes and everything blurs into one giant mess, like my life.
I’ve never been more relieved to get to my room and lock the door behind me. Collapsing into the bed, I drown myself in my tears, wishing I could just disappear.
Why didn’t I just stay in Garrett’s bed? At least I was safe there. Facing Dad was inevitable though. Him being a cop made things hard because he could and would find me no matter where I went. As I close my eyes, I imagine Garrett next to me.
I sleep like shit. My head feels like someone hit it with a hammer. Fuck. Walking to the bathroom is a task in itself, but I know once I have some ibuprofen I’ll feel normal again. The house is quiet and I hope Dad isn’t home. It’s fairly early and I wish I could sleep longer but I have to get to the gym. Two ibuprofen and a drink of water later, I look in the mirror for the first time.
No. No, this isn’t happening. I gasp and choke back a sob. My eye is black and blue from the counter, it looks like someone decked me good, and I can’t say it’s from the fight because I was with Garrett afterward.
No amount of makeup is going to cover this and make it unnoticeable. I am so screwed. I can’t go to kickboxing and I can’t go into Lou’s like this. But I can’t back out either; Howard is taking a chance on me and I can’t let him down. I slide on some black yoga pants and a green t-shirt, deciding I need to let him know I can’t train today, at least not until this bruise vanishes.
My big sunglasses are on my face to hide the nasty bruise before I walk out the door. Tears are welling in my eyes. I’m embarrassed to show my face anywhere, even at the gas station. Even with the glasses on, I feel like everyone driving on the freeway can see straight through to what I’m really hiding and I hate it.
Relief washes over me when I see no one’s vehicle but Howard’s, and for a split second, I bravely walk inside. I don’t take my sunglasses off though. Howard is lifting weights as I walk in and he stops as soon as he sees me.
“You’re early, Raegan, what’s up?” There’s a light sheen of sweat over his skin as he makes his way toward me. I tense, wondering if Whitney is here too.
“I, um, can I talk to you?”
“Sure.” He nods toward the office.
Whitney’s in there on the computer looking at baby stuff. I gulp, hoping to God she doesn’t see my face. She offers a friendly smile but it doesn’t work for me now.
“Hey, Raegan! I wanted to tell you good job again for last night. You’ll be amazing in no time. Oh, I heard you and Garrett went out for a little last night. Was he a gentleman? If not, you tell me and I’ll kick his—”
“Whitney, out for a second, babe. I need to talk to Raegan.”
I’m grateful Howard saves the moment. Just thinking about leaving Garrett makes me want to cry again.
As Whitney walks out, I touch her arm and assure her, “He was perfect, Whitney, we had a great time.”
She hugs me, and Howard clears his throat one more time.
“Sorry,” she whispers, and steps outside the office.
The door shuts and I hold my breath for a few seconds, trying to collect my
self. I need to say what I have to and leave before Garrett gets here.
“What’s going on, Raegan? Why in the world are you wearing sunglasses in here?”
Tears spring forward. It takes everything I have not to start sobbing in front of him. “I can’t come in today. I just wanted to let you know. I’ll come in when I can. I’m sorry, Howard.”
“Is this because of last night? Are you overwhelmed because you lost? You did damn good for your first fight. You’ll get better. Don’t give up, Raegan.”
“No, you don’t get it. I can’t train right now.”
