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He turns one more time. “I’ll see them later, I’m sure.” And just like that he walks off.
I’m baffled at the way he just treated us. I know he didn’t see anything that just happened, because if he had, I’m sure he and Ruston would be in a brawl right now. I thought Austin and I would be riding home together but that’s changed. I glance over at Ruston to see him looking just as bewildered as I am.
“Um, do you mind taking me home? He was supposed to be my ride.”
“Of course. You don’t even have to ask. Climb in.”
I step into the truck and put my seatbelt on. I want to text him and make sure he’s okay. He didn’t seem himself. I expected him to be giddy and smiling after winning his first fight, not quiet and standoffish. Ruston climbs in and starts the truck. He turns up the radio a little as he drives off. Once his hand leaves the stereo knob, it finds mine and our fingers just know to intertwine.
I can’t keep hiding these feelings. Eventually it’s going to tear me apart. I love Ruston. I love him like the very air I breathe. I don’t love Austin. I barely know him. I knew him when we were kids, but we’re grown now and he’s been gone for years. I just like him, but I feel I should give that like a chance. I push those thoughts to the back of my mind and enjoy the ride with my best friend. I’ve missed these little moments, but then we didn’t always used to hold hands.
He pulls up to my apartment and I pull my hand from his. “Want to come in?” I want to slap my mouth as soon as the words escape.
“Only if you really want me to.”
My heart skips a beat. Of course I want him to. We’re best friends and I want my friend back. I nod and he turns the truck off. My hands begin shaking as I reach for my key. What is wrong with me? “Of course.”
I walk to my front door and try to steady my hand as I attempt to unlock the door. Ruston chuckles from behind me and reaches for the key. “Oh, Tammy Lou, what am I going to do with you?”
He unlocks the door so easily and lets us in. I don’t answer his question because any answer is bound to leave us naked and entangled in one another. I almost walk straight toward the refrigerator for a drink but I want to be sober. If anything happens, I want to be fully aware of everything. Instead, I walk to the couch and Ruston follows me. He sits beside me and my head rests on his shoulder.
“When did things become so difficult?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” He reaches over and lifts my head up so our eyes meet. The fire in his eyes burns straight through mine and he softly kisses my forehead. I wait for him to make another move, but he doesn’t. Perhaps we’ve reached our limit on secrets for the day. I don’t care, though. I don’t need to sleep with him to be happy. Just having him here with me is all I need.
I wait for him to turn the TV on, or do something to kill the silence, but he just holds me. Our eyes are still locked, and I move boldly forward for a kiss. I just need to feel his lips on mine one more time tonight. He eagerly meets me as we share yet one more secret. He breaks the kiss and lies on the couch, pulling me on top of him. “I just want to hold you tonight, if that’s okay.”
“I’d love that.” I rest my head on his chest. I can hear his heart beating and I wonder if it’s beating the same way mine was for him earlier. All I know is, it’s beating fast and the rhythm is reminding me of how tired I am.
“I love you, Tammy Lou. One day, you will be all mine. I’ll make you so happy, you’ll see,” he whispers to me.
“I love you too, Ruston,” I reply softly before my eyes finally give up on me.
***
I wake in the morning to find myself still sleeping on Ruston. I fully remember last night, and I’ve just had the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time. He finally opens his eyes and grins lazily at me. “Good morning, Tammy Lou.”
“Morning.” I stretch before sitting up. “How’d you sleep?”
“Perfect, actually.” He pulls me back down and kisses me.
“Me too. Thanks for staying over. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I didn’t either, but it was peaceful and nice.”
I sit up once more and the urge to pee hits me. I run to the bathroom and when I walk out, he’s standing in the kitchen. “I hate to wake and run, but I need to go help Dad get some things ready for the barbeque. That’s today, remember?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. I need to call Mom I guess, unless she’s already called me.” I reach for my phone on the counter and expect to see a call or at least a text from Austin, but there’s nothing. I make a mental note to text him when Ruston leaves. “Austin is coming, right?”
“Far as I know. I’ll check with him when I get home. Don’t worry. If he asks I’ll tell him I dropped you off and went to Joe’s. I’ll make him think I went home with some girl I just met.”
I glare at him. “You think that’s funny? Because I don’t find it funny.”
“I love when you get jealous. Don’t worry. Your bed is the only bed I’d sleep in.” He kisses my forehead one last time and grabs his keys. “I’ll see you tonight, Tammy Lou.”
“I’ll be there,” I answer as he walks out the door.
I go and take a quick shower, and after I get dressed, I text Austin. While I’m waiting to hear back from him, I text my mom. She answers with a long list of things I need to help with to get ready for tonight. Our family barbeque is a big annual festivity. We call it the family barbeque, but the truth is, the entire neighborhood shows up and it’s this massive party. My phone finally dings and Austin’s name pops up. I had texted to ask him how he felt and to see if he was coming tonight.
