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We sit and talk for a bit over our coffee like a bunch of old ladies, then she looks at the time. “I better get going. Last night was fun. I told my sister I’d go over and help her paint.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye, Darla, be good for your mommy today,” Nora calls into the living room.
Darla comes running into the kitchen and grins at Nora. “Bye, Nowa.”
“You are the cutest kid ever. Bye guys.” She rinses out her coffee cup and sets it in the drain board. We wave to her as she walks out of the door.
“So Darla, what do you want to do today?” I ask as I pick her up and give her a big kiss. I’m used to being the one waking up with her and I missed that this morning.
“Go to the pawk!” She claps her hands. I can’t say no to her cute little smile. I tell her we’ll get dressed and go while it’s still a little cool out this morning.
Within a few minutes we’re dressed and ready to go. I buckle her into her carseat and fight off a tear. How in the world can Brendan say he wants no rights to her? She’s the neatest four year old I’ve ever met. She’s my entire world.
We drive to a little park up the road. I look in my mirror to see her eyes light up. We both get out of the car and she runs to the slides first. She yells for me to watch her as she climbs up and slides fearlessly down. I clap and cheer her on. When she asks me to slide with her, I climb up and join her. I laugh as we slide down together. I’m blessed to have her even if he wants nothing to do with her.
A few other families show up at the park and Darla makes friends. I see a few families playing together. Moms and dads along with their kids. It makes me smile. One day I can give Darla that family she deserves. We play for a little over an hour and a half and I realize it’s almost lunch time. We get back into the car and head home to eat something. I figure Darla will be ecstatic to eat some chicken nuggets and I’d be happy with just a sandwich.
We walk into the house and I get the oven preheating. I arrange a few nuggets and fries on a pan and wait for the right temperature to be obtained. Darla disappears to her room for a few minutes and as I grab the pan to place in the oven she comes running into the kitchen.
“Mommy?” she asks softly.
“Yeah, baby?” I pull the oven door open.
“Do I have a daddy?”
The pan slips from my hands and hits the floor. Chicken nuggets and fries scatter across the kitchen and tears well in my eyes. I knew this conversation would happen sooner or later, but why now? I fight the tears back and count to ten. I need to regain my composure to face her and answer this question.
I kneel down to her and pull one of her hands into mine. “You do have a daddy.”
“Whewe is he?” she asks.
“He, uh, he had to go away.” I’m terrible at answering her questions. I should have put more thought into this.
“Why? I want a daddy like ewewbody.” She begins to cry and my heart breaks. I want to hold back my tears but I’m losing this battle.
“You will have a daddy one day, baby gi
rl. I promise. How about we do something else fun? Mommy needs to potty but I can turn on cartoons for you or we can play in your room if you want.”
She nods her head and walks to her room. I grab my phone and walk straight to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I don’t have to use the toilet but I turn the water on slightly to drown out any noise. I call the one person I know can help me through this.
“Hey Paige, I was just about to call you.”
“Mom.” I begin to sob.
“Honey, what’s wrong? Is everything all right?” Panic fills her voice. I can’t blame her. The last time I called her crying was to tell her Brendan wanted nothing to do with me or Darla.
“No, it’s not.” I sniffle. “Darla asked if she has a daddy and I didn’t know what to say. Brendan wants to sign his rights over and I just, I don’t know how to handle all of this.”
“Shit,” Mom whispers. Mom never cusses. “What did you tell her?”
“I told her he had to go away. I wasn’t sure what to say. Then she told me she wants a daddy like everybody else. What do I do, Mom?”
“You need a break, baby girl. I know we keep her a lot for you, but you need a breather. Bring her by and give yourself time to think about all of this. Have you looked at a family attorney yet?”
“Not yet. It’s all just come up in the last day or so.” I wipe my tears and take a deep breath.
