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Still. A year. A frigging year.
And I still haven’t been allowed to go in and see him, although I went and dropped off some of his clothes.
“How can they leave him in jail when his mom and brother just died?” I mutter, rocking Bean in my arms. We’re at Matt and Octavia’s house, visiting. The baby makes gurgling noises, and I smile in spite of the sadness that’s been riding me ever since Jarett was arrested. “That’s inhuman.”
My sister puts down her mug of tea. “Gigi. He was involved in bad shit. They can’t ignore that.”
I inhale the baby’s scent, baby powder and sugar, letting it soothe me. “I have to see him.”
“But you can’t. Not while he’s in jail.”
“I know!” There’s a lump in my throat. “I know. But it’s not fair. He was only trying to keep his brother alive.”
The baby shakes his tiny fists at me and whimpers.
“Gigi…” Matt gets up from the carpet where he’s been helping his kids build a complicated toy railway, complete with trees and stations and small towns, and comes to me, opening his arms.
Half-blinded by tears, I pass the baby over to him and turn away, wiping furiously at my eyes.
“Oh, Gigi,” my sister, whispers, getting up too. “I know you love that boy. Be patient. Come here.”
I turn into her arms and hold on tightly. “You believe him. You believe he didn’t do anything wrong.”
“He did plenty wrong. But maybe not the really bad stuff. And he had good intentions. But even the best intentions don’t erase the fact he was in that gang, he was there when they robbed stores and dealt drugs.”
“He looked out for me. For Sydney. For everyone.”
“He’s a good guy. Okay? I know.” She rubs my back. “This isn’t the end of the world, sis. He isn’t dead, which is more than can be said for his gang. He’s alive, and he’ll be out of prison one day soon.”
But I miss him, so badly. And not being there to comfort him is killing me. How would I feel if I’d been through everything he has? How would I have reacted, what would I have done to protect my family?
He’s the strongest person I know, but I’m so scared he’ll give up—on me, on himself, on life. He’s just a number in the system now, a mistake to be corrected.
And he’s everything to me.
The sentencing hearing is over. A year behind bars.
Jarett is getting transferred to prison today, and I swear, I’m getting an ulcer from all this. I haven’t been able to talk to him in days, not since the trial, and that time he’d sounded so defeated it broke my heart all over again.
I’m trying to see the positive in this, but it’s hard. He’s not in the gang anymore, sure, but won’t prison life destroy him? You hear all sorts of things, about drugs and rape and violence. He doesn’t have to keep his promise to his mom about taking care of Sebastian anymore, but does he feel he has something left to live, to fight for?
Does he think of me? Does he want to come back to me? Will he be okay?
Will he be the Jarett I know when he’s released?
Truth is, the only plus I can see is that I can visit him now. Prisoners get visiting hours.
And I’ll be there.
Small consolation, but every little good thing seems huge right now. Seeing him is all I can think about. I have filled out the inmate visitor application, I have been approved.
Soon, I’ll see him, maybe touch him, if they allow it.
I feel as if I’m not really alive without him. Every minute spent away from him hurts. Everything I want to share with him, every joke and every song, feels like a burden now.
At least, Sydney looks better. I’d ask her about Kash, but I can’t pretend to care right now, not when I feel like my whole world is caving in.
