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It’s not until we’ve boarded the bus and are sitting side by side that she puts her hand on top of mine.
“Remember the three questions you promise to answer?” she says. “Well, here’s one: What happened back there?”
What the fuck? Of all the things she could have asked me, why this? I hate talking about this. Haven’t talked about it in years, not since I lost Helen. I thunk my head on the window pane and stare morosely at the city as it sinks into dusk.
Why did I accept to answer her questions? Me and my fucking big mouth.
Chapter Eleven
Amber
As the bus rumbles closer to home, I keep stealing glances at Jesse, who’s dozing, slumped against the window. He works a lot, though today’s the day he gets the afternoon off, which is why we agreed on going shopping. Still, he looks so tired, the dark circles under his eyes starker than ever, and the way he looked back in that alley…
Jesus. So pale and drawn, shaky. Eyes wide and unblinking, as if he’d seen a ghost. Scared me half to death.
He said I don’t need to change. That I’m fine as I am. Could he be right? That I don’t have to change for the world to accept me? That I’m not the problem? If Jesse likes me as I am…
My hand is still resting over his, its warmth reassuring. What I want is to reach up and touch his cheek, demand to know what is wrong so I can fix it. So I can see him smile again.
Don’t go there, Amber.
Ev warned me about him. Being friends—if that’s what we are—is okay. But if I fall for him, I might as well carve my heart to pieces and give it to the dogs.
Nevertheless, when we approach the stop near Damage Control, I don’t wake him up, telling myself he needs to rest. Not that I want him back in my apartment, my kitchen.
Good try, Amber.
It doesn’t matter, anyway. Too late. As we rumble close to home, I shake him lightly, and his eyes snap open. He gives me a bleary look, glances outside, and frowns.
“What’s going on?”
“Come on.” I tug on his hand, and luckily he gets up and follows me off the bus without hesitation. “Didn’t want to wake you up. Besides, we have meat pie Ev’s mom brought us, and you owe me an answer.”
Not to mention Kayla isn’t home, which gives me some breathing space.
“An answer, huh? Kill me now,” he grumbles, staggering after me, his hand still wrapped around mine. “Save us both the trouble.”
“No trouble for me,” I say and keep my hold on him as I unlock the building door and let him in.
No idea why I turn into a smartass around Jesse. Few people put me at ease like that. My parents, Ev… Kayla maybe. I never thought I’d be so comfortable around a boy like him, so… wild. Covered in tats and dipped in bad history.
Handsome like a girl’s wet dream.
“Meat pie,” he mutters as we climb the stairs, and his stomach rumbles. “Shit.”
“And garlic and mushroom risotto.”
“Ev’s mom made that, too?”
“I made that.”
“Damn.” He gives a wolf whistle. “You know the way to a man’s heart.”
My pulse stutters, and I stifle nervous laughter. “Yeah, right.”
He says nothing more as we trudge up to my floor and I open the door to let him in, but he seems lost in thought, and I leave him by the couch to go and warm up the food. My question can wait ten minutes.
My mind buzzes with worry. Whatever happened back there can’t be good.
