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“What happened?”
“Pneumonia. She’d been having colds and coughs on and off for a while. She was ignoring it and it just got worse.”
“Sorry to hear it.”
I shake my head. “I told myself I’d keep pursuing my dreams for both our sakes. She became an added inspiration.”
“And your father?” Gavin asks me.
I frown. “He didn’t care. Like I said, he was never around much.”
Gavin doesn’t ask any more questions.
I draw a deep breath. “Anyway, there were two colleges that wanted me. One wanted me for the cheerleading team and the other for the gymnastics team. I decided to stick with gymnastics. Maybe that was the wrong choice. When I was just starting my second year, I injured my wrist. I was out for the rest of the year. The next year, I came back, competed, but my comeback was a failure.”
I look at my right wrist.
“My wrist was just not the same.”
To my surprise, Gavin takes my wrist. His thumb goes over the pulse point. I hold my breath.
“What happened with it?”
I rub my wrist as I pull my hand away.
“I tore a ligament. It healed, but I never had the same grip I once had. I tried training on the balance beam and the floor, but there were just times my wrist would suddenly feel weak and I’d lose my balance. Even now, there are still times it gets weak and I end up dropping something.” I put my hand on my lap. “In summary, I couldn’t compete in gymnastics anymore. That was the end for me. And because of that, they revoked my scholarship. I didn’t have any money to pay for college, so I had to drop out.”
Gavin’s eyebrows crease. “They didn’t give you any consideration?”
“I didn’t do too well in my first year. I was new and college gymnastics was a whole different arena. I think that’s part of the reason why I pushed myself starting second year. When I got injured, the team was hopeful I’d come back and do well, so the school didn’t revoke my scholarship right away, but like I said, I didn’t come back. I couldn’t.” A knot forms in my throat and my voice starts to crack. “I was no longer of any… use to the team, to the school, so why should they let me stay for free?”
As I say those last few words, I can feel a tightness growing inside my chest. I look down on my lap where my hands clench into fists. Tears well up in my eyes. One of them falls on my leggings.
I wipe the rest away carefully with my fingertips. Why? Why am I crying now? I didn’t cry when I was told I’d lose my scholarship. I didn’t cry when I said goodbye to the team, when I left my room at the dorm. Why am I crying now?
“I’m sorry,” I tell Gavin as I look around for a box of tissues. I finally find one and yank out a few sheets. “It must be these stupid hormones. I can’t- ”
Suddenly, I feel strong arms around me, pulling me against a solid chest. For a moment, I’m too surprised to move, but as my tears keep falling I turn towards Gavin and bury my face between hardened muscles. My hands grip the back of his shirt as I break into a sob. His arms wrap tightly around me. His fingers stroke my hair.
The warmth of Gavin’s chest assures me I’m not alone. His arms make me feel safe. Yet somehow, the thought that I have someone to cry on, to cry with, the feeling that someone cares for me, unleashes even more of the tears I’ve been holding back for so long.
How long have I been trying to be strong?
The smell of Gavin’s shirt comforts me. The sound of his heartbeat calms me down. Gradually, the weight inside my chest lessens. Eventually, the tears stop flowing. I wipe the stains with my sleeve and blow my nose into the crumpled tissues I still have in my hand.
As I see the dried puddle I’ve left on Gavin’s shirt, I frown.
“Sorry.” I grab more tissues to wipe it. “I made a mess of your shirt.”
“It’s fine.” Gavin pushes my hand away gently. “I have others.”
I use the tissues to blow my nose some more. “I don’t know why I just broke down like that.”
I don’t think I’ve ever cried in front of anyone before.
“Well, thanks to that, I just got an idea,” Gavin says.
I look at him. “What?”
“This scholarship we’re offering, we should make sure it covers the student athlete until she graduates, regardless of performance or injury,” he answers. “And in case she does get injured, we should cover the cost of treatment and rehabilitation, too.”
My eyes grow wide. “You mean it?”
I can’t believe it because it sounds too good to be true. It’s exactly what I wanted- and more.
