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“It’s a girl,” the doctor tells me. “You’re going to have a baby girl.”
Alright, her nose then.
Her.
My baby girl.
I clasp a hand over my mouth as emotions overwhelm me. Tears trickle down my cheeks.
“She’s beautiful,” I whisper as I touch the screen.
I can’t stop looking at her. I can’t believe that’s her. So tiny. So frail. And yet I can already tell she’s strong. With each heartbeat, she’s fighting to survive.
Just like me.
A knot forms in my throat.
How could I have ever thought of getting rid of this baby? This wonder? And how can I give her up now?
I can’t. As I stare at the screen, I imagine her in my arms, suckling at my breast. I imagine her with blue eyes and her father’s breathtaking smile. I imagine her attempting her first steps with those tiny feet, falling but getting up again. I imagine her running with her pigtails swaying back and forth. I imagine her sitting on a bench reading a book. I imagine her dancing, her dress swirling around her knees.
I want to see all that, so badly that my chest hurts. I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted.
Why did I think I’d be alone when now I know I’ll never be?
I wrap my hands over my stomach. I don’t know why I ever thought this baby was a mistake. She’s not. She’s a miracle, the best thing that ever happened to me.
This baby is mine. She’s mine. She’s the first thing in my life I can really call mine.
A fierce protectiveness I never knew I could feel surges through me.
I’m not going to let anyone take her away from me.
I know what I agreed to. I know I’m not supposed to keep her. But why not? Aren’t mothers supposed to keep their children?
I don’t care about the money anymore. I just want my child. The problem is that I know I need money to take care of my child. Right. I’m back where I started, except this time I know who the father of my child is.
Gavin.
I’ll tell him. I know I said I wouldn’t, but I will for the sake of my child. He can send me away if he wants. I just need some money. He can resent me all he wants. I don’t care.
I lift my chin as I’m steeled with a new sense of purpose.
I’ll tell Gavin about the baby and then I’ll leave. I’ll start a new life with my baby.
The thought floods me with excitement. All my fears and worries fade away.
I’ll go to his office and tell him right now.
~
“I’m sorry, but Mr. Scotsfeld isn’t here,” Gavin’s assistant tells me as soon as I walk up to her desk.
My heart sinks. I was really looking forward to seeing him. I have my appeal all prepared. I rehearsed it in the car. I even thought of what I’d say if he didn’t want to see me.
Now that I’ve made up my mind to tell Gavin my secret, I can’t wait to tell him. I’m bursting at the seams here, on the verge of exploding.
And I can’t wait to start my new life.
“Where is he?”
“He’s in Toronto for a business trip,” Sylvia answers. “Didn’t he tell you?”
I shake my head. How could he when we haven’t been speaking to each other?
“When is he coming back?” I ask.
“After his Toronto trip, he has another one to Moscow.”
My heart sinks further. Does he ever plan on coming back? Will I ever see him again?
All this time, he’s just been here and I didn’t have the courage to tell him my secret. Now that I do, he’s far from reach.
Sylvia’s fingers tap her keyboard. “But I do believe he is attending the Ball tonight.”
My eyebrows arch. “Ball?”
“The Hellenic Ball,” Sylvia tells me.
Hellenic Ball. I remember Fiona saying something about that, something about the one party at the Club that prizes can attend with their protectors. The biggest party of the year, she even said.
Gavin is definitely going to be there.
“Where is it?” I ask.
Sylvia purses her lips. I sense her hesitation.
“Please?” I beg. “I have to talk to Gavin. I have to tell him something, something really important.”
She taps her fingers on her desk.
“Besides, I’m supposed to be at that party. I’m sure Gavin meant to tell me but it slipped his mind. He’ll be disappointed if I’m not there.”
Sylvia looks at me.
“Please?” I beg again. “I won’t tell him you told me.”
She sighs. “Fine. I’ll print the invitation for you.”
I give her a wide smile. “Thank you.”
I go around her desk to give her a hug.
“Thank you very much.”
After the invitation has been printed, I look at it. Apparently, the ball is at the Warehouse at seven thirty.
Warehouse? That must be where the Auction took place.
I press the invitation to my chest and give Sylvia another grateful smile.
