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“Mom, Dad…” I pause. “I can still call you that, right?”
“Of course,” they both answer.
My father reaches for my hand. “You are still our daughter. You have always been and will always be our daughter.”
I give him a smile. “And the two of you will always be my parents. I’m sure you had your reasons for keeping this from me, and I want you to know that I don’t resent you for it. I’m just… grateful for everything you’ve done.”
My mother places a hand over her chest as she lets out a breath of relief.
I reach for her hand. “I love you both.”
“And we love you, Ellis,” my mom says. “We’ve always thought of you as our own flesh and blood, and we wanted you to think the same. That’s why we didn’t tell you.”
“I know.” I squeeze both their hands before putting mine on my lap. “But now, I have to find out who I really am.”
They both nod.
“So my real name is Elizabeth Quinn Northup?” I ask.
“That was the name on your original birth certificate,” my dad says. “But when we adopted you, we gave you the name Ellis. We wanted it to sound like your original name but not the same. And your middle name, Roberta, is because my grandfather’s name is Robert.”
“The one who raised you. Yes, I remember.”
“We’d been wanting to have a baby for years,” my mom says. “We actually lost so many. At one point, your father told me to give up, but I just couldn’t. I wanted to be a mother more than anything.”
And she’s been the best mother I could have asked for – attentive, patient, loving.
“But then one day, the doctor told me I couldn’t try anymore,” my mom goes on. “So your dad and I had no choice but to apply for adoption. We waited two years before we got the call. We went to the hospital and there you were.”
She looks at my dad as she relives the memory.
“You were the most beautiful thing we’d ever seen.”
My dad looks at me. “You were.”
“Did you meet my real mother?” I ask.
My dad shakes his head. “She was already… gone. There was some complication during childbirth.”
“I see.”
My heart sinks. So I guess I’ll never know my mother.
“But we met your father,” my mom says. “I don’t remember what he looked like anymore, but I remember that his eyes were red. He must have loved your mother. He looked like he was about to cry all over again when he handed you over to us.”
My eyebrows arch. “Do you know his name?”
I feel another rush of disappointment as my mom and dad shake their heads.
“I guess we should have asked,” my mom says. “But we were just so happy to have you.”
My shoulders slump. So that’s it? I’ll never know him either? I’m not getting anything out of knowing I’m adopted? Is it even going to make any difference?
I don’t know exactly what I was hoping for when I found that box, but I know I was hoping for something. Anything.
I take the necklace out of my pocket. “Was this my mother’s?”
My mom nods. “I thought of selling it to put you through medical school, but your father told me not to. He said it was your only memento of your mother.”
“It’s your necklace.” My dad wraps my fingers around the piece of jewelry and pushes it towards me. “You decide what to do with it.”
I open my fingers and gaze down at my palm. The sapphire glimmers in the light.
Do I sell it? If I do, I have a feeling I can buy back my parents’ house. I’m not sure I should, though. Like Dad said, it’s all I have to remember my mother by.
I put the necklace back in my pocket. “I’ll think about what to do with it.”
My dad nods. “Okay.”
I fall silent. I thought I’d have more to say, but the words just seem to have evaporated from my head.
My mom reaches for my hand. “Are you okay?”
I look at her. “Yeah. I just… It’s a lot to take in.”
My dad sits beside me and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Well, take all the time you need to let it sink in. And just remember, we’re here for you, loving and supporting you as we always have.”
“I know, Dad.”
I know I’m lucky to have been taken in by such a good couple. They’ve given me a good life. They’ve fed me, clothed me, put me through medical school. They’ve loved me unconditionally. I should content myself with that. I should just be grateful.
And yet, I can’t help but feel let down.
Why, in spite of everything I have, do I suddenly feel like a big chunk of me is missing?
Chapter 10 ~ Underlying Cause
Rainier
“She’s back,” Laura tells me after we finish rounds.
