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It keeps playing through my head as I run back to my room. My heart races. It’s naughty, despicable. It’s wrong in so many ways. Yet, why am I not disgusted at all? Why am I… excited?
Maybe it’s because they were both enjoying what they were doing. Yes, Gabriel was rough. Yes, the woman’s hands were tied. Yet neither of them seemed to care. They were just lost in pleasure.
And I suddenly yearn to feel the same.
I can feel my body heating up under my white dress. My breasts feel heavy. My underwear feels damp.
Shit.
By the time I reach the bedroom, I’m running a fever. My mind is spinning so fast I’m feeling dizzy and all I can think of is going inside the bathroom so that I can take my underwear off and…
I stop in my tracks as I realize Rainier is in the bedroom, too, standing by the bed.
Why? I can’t deal with him right now. Not now.
“Rainier…”
“Are you alright?” He walks towards me with a look of concern. “Your cheeks are so red and you’re out of breath.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I was just running, so…”
“You were running?” Rainier’s eyes narrow. “Why?”
I sigh. I’d like to lie, but that’s going to take longer, especially since my mind doesn’t seem to be working well enough to come up with one. I should just tell the truth.
“I saw Gabriel and – ”
“You saw Gabriel?” I hear the agitation in Rainier’s voice.
“Well, I didn’t go see him. I just happened to and – ”
“What did he do to you?” Rainier cups my cheeks. “Did he try to do anything to you? Is that why you look so flustered?”
“No,” I answer. “He didn’t do anything to me. He was with a woman and they were…”
I stop. My cheeks burn beneath Rainier’s palms.
His hands fall from my face. “They were having sex, weren’t they?”
I don’t answer. I just look away.
“And you were running because you felt bad for watching them? Because you were scared you’d get caught?”
Still, I say nothing. Come to think of it, isn’t that how I should feel?
“Or is it because what you saw got you all turned on?”
Rainier takes my hand. His fingertips brush against my palm and a jolt of electricity shoots up my arm. I pull it away and step back.
“I’m fine,” I say as I put my hand behind me. “It’s… none of your concern.”
He chuckles. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Ellis. It happens to everyone. Hell, it happens to me each time you’re close by.”
My gaze narrows. “It does?”
Rainier’s expression turns serious as he takes my hand once more. This time, he presses it to the left side of his chest. His heart pounds beneath my palm.
It’s beating wildly, restlessly, just like mine.
Then he holds my wrist and brings my hand lower, past his stomach and beneath his belt towards his groin. He brings my hand closer and I feel something else throb. Again, a buzz goes up my arm. A shiver of excitement goes down my spine.
I pull my hand away.
“I can’t,” I tell Rainier. “We can’t.”
“Why not? You came straight to this room because you were going to indulge in pleasure by yourself anyway, right? Why not use me?”
“Use you?” My eyebrows furrow.
“I’m here.” Rainier takes off his jacket. “Use me however you want for your own pleasure.”
“W-What?” I can’t believe my ears. “No. That’s not right. You… you’re not an object.”
“No.” He takes off his belt. “I’m a man, which is even better.”
“No.” I lift my hands. “This is wrong.”
“There’s nothing wrong with helping someone else to feel good, Ellis.” Rainier starts to unbutton his shirt. “Or wanting to feel good.”
I tear my gaze away from his chest. “But I said…”
“You just want to be friends,” Rainier finishes. “So allow me to be your friend and help you in your time of need.”
Sex friends? I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. Besides, that’s no different from what he wants, which I already said no to.
He sighs. “Fine. Just think of this as an early Christmas present from me. After all, you got me one.” He steps forward. “You can’t turn away a present, can you?”
Not this one, I think as my gaze lingers on the muscles of his abdomen. I draw a deep breath.
Rainier takes my glasses off and sets them down somewhere, then he takes my hand and presses my palm against his bare chest. “Do you want me or not, Ellis?”
I purse my lips.
“Going once. Twice…”
I place my hand behind his head and pull his face to mine. Our lips clash. This time, the jolt of electricity travels down to my toes. My heart leaps in triumph. The flames of desire roar in my veins.
Rainier kisses me firmly, fiercely as his hands run across my back. Silk rustles. He presses my body closer to his and my breasts become trapped against his chest. I feel them swell as his tongue slips between my lips to rub against mine. I moan.
