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“I’m not with Ellen. Never was.”
“And the picture where you’re naked with her? What was that?”
There is blood in my dreams. Always. I cling to the voices, hoping to escape, but the tension seeping into the words has me gritting my teeth and the dreams keep me under.
“Did you see that picture?” Joel asks.
“No, but Brylee told me—”
“That I was naked with Ellen and another woman.” Joel sighs. “Listen, this may sound fucking crazy to you, but you have to believe me, girl. I’ve never been with Ellen. Never even kissed her. Never had sex with her. I’ve never gone down on her or had her go down on me, never touched her anywhere else, never even touched a fucking inch of her bare skin. Ever.”
Joel is angry. It makes my muscles clench. My fingers claw into the pillow.
“Then what’s that picture? Was it a set up? Was it Photoshopped? What?”
“No, I… I was really there.” Joel groans. “Damn, here goes. The thing is, Ellen isn’t into guys. She likes girls. And she had a girlfriend at the time who didn’t mind if I watched them get each other off. We tried it twice.”
“You watched them get each other off.” Candy’s voice is flat. “Awesome.”
“Look, it wasn’t because I felt something for her. For them. I never cared for her. Not like I do for you. I just couldn’t…” Joel struggles for words, and I struggle to wake up completely. “I had some trouble getting off. I didn’t know why, but I’d realized that watching others get off helped.” Another pause. “It’s why I flaked that one time I took you out. I was scared I wouldn’t get it up, or wouldn’t come, and you’d think it was because of you.”
“And it wouldn’t be because of me?”
“What? Fuck, no. Haven’t you noticed? With you I come like a fucking geyser. I mean…”
Candy giggles, and after a moment, Joel gives a chuckle.
“So what changed?” she asks quietly.
“Everything. I guess the problem was that I… I wasn’t with the right people? With both you and Jet I got off just fine. I care for you, okay? And I want you. That’s what’s different.”
“Joel,” she says, her voice warm. “I’m fine with you wanting Jet. Why don’t you admit he turns you on, too?”
I shift on the bed, uncomfortable, the bloody dreams breaking apart. I’m getting hard from the turn their discussion has taken.
“I’m not denying it. But that’s not the point right now. We both want you, Candy. You mean a lot to us. Don’t leave us.”
I start to push myself up, the urgency to see them, touch them, make sure they’re really there haunting me.
“J.” Fuck, my voice sounds like a chain-smoker’s tonight. “Candy?”
“I told you she’d come back, didn’t I, fucker?” Joel’s arm is around my shoulders, helping me sit, and then Candy’s face fills my vision.
“How’re you feeling?” she asks, cupping my jaw.
“Better now,” I grunt and grab her arm, sighing in relief when it proves solid. “Much better.”
Not a dream. They’re both here.
“We still need to talk,” Joel says, wrapping his other arm around Candy and drawing her closer to us. “About why you left last night. What you meant.”
“I’ll tell you everything,” she says, ducking her head. “I won’t keep the truth hidden from you any longer.”
A chill chases her words, and I shiver. “What truth? What do you mean?”
In my world, secrets are huge, gaping black holes full of knives and pain. I have a vague idea that not all people have secrets like mine, but hey, I just woke up from another messy nightmare. What can I say?
“The truth about how long I’ve wanted you, guys.”
