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***
“Your boys are lovely,” Mom says, beaming, as we kiss goodbye later on, after a too-quiet rest of the lunch. “Lovely.”
“Thanks,” I say cautiously. “Mom, will you be okay, you and Dad?”
“Oh, that depends on him,” she says, laughing. “If he adapts, I’ll keep him.”
Not sure what’s there to laugh about. “Mom. Why are you so obsessed with sex all of a sudden? What’s going on?”
“It’s not sudden, baby girl.” She strokes my cheek, or tries to, but she gets distracted by Jet and Joel putting on their jackets and she strokes my nose instead. “For a long time I told myself it didn’t matter. Then I read Fifty Shades of Grey and decided not to sell myself short.”
“What, just like that you questioned your whole life? Because of a book?”
“No, don’t be ridiculous. I watched the movie, too.”
Oh God. “Are you serious? What do you want, Dad to tie you up and whip you, then fly you to the opera in his private chopper?”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Mom says absently, still stroking my nose. “I hate opera, and whips are tricky.”
Oh Lord. This day can’t get any worse... right?
“Candace,” Dad says, putting his arms awkwardly around me. He has never been one for lots of hugging and smooching. “You take care of yourself in this situation you’ve placed yourself in.”
Crap.
“You could at least pretend to be happy for me, Dad,” I say, drawing my lower lip between my teeth, willing my eyes not to leak again. “Why can’t you?”
“Because… Because one day you’ll get married, and when the priest says, kiss the groom, who will you kiss?”
Is he serious? “I’m not getting married in a church. And if I am, the priest says kiss the bride, not the groom. Also, I’d kiss them both.”
There.
Dad opens his mouth, closes it, then tries again. “And what about… your kids? How will you know whose kid it is?”
“Well, there are DNA tests. If we decide we want to know. But I’m pretty sure the boys don’t care. And neither do I, because I love them both.”
Awww, Joel’s and Jet’s babies. I try to keep the stars from twinkling in my eyes at the thought. I don’t feel ready to be a mom yet, but maybe one day…
Dad isn’t done with me yet, though. “It’s proven that erotic triangles don’t work in the long term.”
“What? That’s what you got from everything I’ve said?” Anger sizzles in my blood. Forget the stars. I bet my eyes are glowing like neon signs. “Maybe you’re going deaf, Dad. Didn’t you hear me? I said I love them. This isn’t an erotic triangle. It’s a relationship.”
“It won’t work out,” Dad says stubbornly, setting his jaw and shoving his hands in his pockets.
“You’re wrong.” I shake my fist at him. “Just because you and Mom don’t have sex anymore and she’s looking elsewhere doesn’t mean you get to declare doom on my love life!”
And… another rippling silence spreads. I feel eyes on the back of my head and turn around slowly.
Yep. The whole restaurant is looking at me, again.
Oops.
Time to blow this pop stand before I make more public declarations that weren’t meant for bystanders’ innocent ears.
“Well, goodbye.” I grab my boys around their lean hips and get ready to bolt. “It was nice seeing you.”
“Candy,” Mom begins.
