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Or maybe not so funny. Or strange. I’ve let myself get close, so close, and the sex is fucking awesome, though not as awesome as sleeping in a bed with them, and waking up with them. Well, at least on the few days when I do sleep until morning. Being around them, goddammit.
Too perfect.
It is too perfect, isn’t it? And tomorrow Joel will talk to his parents and everything will come crashing down.
It’s my fault. I’m the one who’s been pushing him to do it, thinking it’s what’s making him restless and tense. Never thought about the consequences. What it means for him to face his parents, and the hold they have on him.
So fucking stupid, Jet. You’re such an idiot. How can anyone stand having you around for long? You don’t even think of what might happen, you can’t even… Fuck.
Fucking moron.
Eventually I get out of the shower before I use up all the hot water, because I may be an idiot but I’m not an asshole. Wrapping a towel around my hips, I avoid Joel’s gaze and hands as I step out, and then do the same with Candy. She looks worried, so I brush a kiss over her mouth as reassurance.
I roll under the covers while they shower and close my eyes, shutting out the world for a few blissful moments, and sleep rolls me under almost instantly. Guess I am really tired, cause I never hear Candy and J come to bed.
I jerk awake some indefinite time later, drenched in cold sweat, with a scream dying on my lips, and the nightmare still playing in front of my wide open eyes.
The knife plunging into my chest. My dad’s face, twisted in anger.
“It’s your turn,” he says, his dark eyes a mirror of mine, his hand pinning me to the wall as he prepares to stab me again. To kill me. “Time’s up!”
“No!” I struggle against his hold, immobilized, tied down. “No. Fuck you. Let me go!”
“Jet. Easy.” The low rumble of a man’s voice in my ear makes no sense.
“Let me go, dammit!”
“I’ve got you,” a soft woman’s voice says on my other side, and I jerk, struggling harder. “Calm down.”
What the fuck’s going on? My surroundings waver, the hand pressing on my chest gone, the knife gone. Candy’s face fills my blurry vision.
What the hell?
The vise around my ribs is still there, though, and I fight it again, weak, sluggish with exhaustion. “Let go…”
“It’s me, Joel,” his voice says in my ear, and I recognize it now. “Let me hold you, man. Let Candy hold you.”
I sag in his embrace, so damn tired my eyes ache and burn. I want to break down and cry. Can’t do this anymore.
But Candy throws her arms around my neck and like every time, the combination of Joel’s strength at my back and the feel of her pressed to me, her soft scent, her light weight, it all serves to calm me down. Bring me home.
“What happened?” she whispers against my neck, and holy fuck, wetness slips over my skin. She’s crying. “You haven’t had such a bad one in a while.”
I lift my arms around her, haul her against me.
What am I supposed to say? I’m not sure if it’s worse than usual. It’s just that usually I manage to keep quiet and slink away until the images fade from my eyes and my ears stop ringing.
“We love you,” Candy whispers, and I nod. Although it’s not the first time either of them has told me that, for some reason tonight her words are like fucking blades that cut me up and lay me open and raw.
That burning in my eyes? It turns into tears, after all. I only realize after I taste them on my lips, salty and bitter, and my breath hitches.
“Shh,” Candy whispers, kissing my neck. “It’s okay.”
“Dammit, Jet.” Joel’s face dips to my shoulder and his breath washes over my bare skin, hot and damp. “What is it? What rattled you like that? This is real, man. Here, with us.”
It’s quite dark in the room, the only light coming from the lamp Joel leaves on in the corner. Candy’s hair is a silken, golden cloud in my eyes, Joel’s arms an invisible anchor.
“It’s not just the nightmare,” I whisper. “It’s everything.”
