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Over Candy’s head, I see Micah take a step toward us, his gaze concerned, then change his mind and turn toward Evie instead.
“Our dad?” Evie claps a hand over her mouth, her eyes filling up, and Micah draws her into his arms. “Jesus, Joey.”
“It’s okay.” I swallow blood, my mouth filled with its rusty tang, and lean gratefully into Jet and Candy. “I’ll be okay.”
“But why did he…? He never…” Evie twists in Micah’s arms to look at me. “I can’t frigging believe he hit you.”
“It’s okay,” I say.
“No, it’s not.”
I shake my head, and wince when my brain rattles in my skull. It sure feels like it, anyway. It doesn’t matter. All I wanna do is to go home and bury myself in my lovers’ bodies, forget about this day.
Forget everything.
Candy reads my mind because she says, “Let’s get you home.”
“Joey, will you be okay?” Evie asks and I hate the sadness in her voice.
“Yes.” Candy and Jet move aside so that I can hug my sister, a brief, hard hug, and then I pull back, because if this meeting with our parents didn’t break me to pieces, her tears might. “Yes, I’ll be okay. I’ll see you at the party.”
Micah nods at me as Evie steps away. He wraps an arm around her and I sag in relief, knowing he’s got her. I trust Micah. He’s solid, and he loves my sister more than anything.
Like I love Candy and Jet, and this time I let them drag me away, toward where my car is parked. The night falls away, the world shrinks to the periphery of their faces, their hands, as they guide me into the car.
Candy sits behind the wheel, Jet rides shotgun and I sit in the backseat, letting time pass, letting the streets roll by.
I’m so fucking tired. Is this how Jet feels most of the time? Is this the exhaustion that drags him down? This feeling of a knife to the heart from your family when you didn’t expect it.
When you should have expected it but didn’t fucking want to.
And now… Now it’s over and it’s as if I cannonballed through a brick wall. I’m bruised, yes, inside and out, and still woozy and achy, my confusion and pain turning into anger.
But more than that, it’s turning into self-awareness and the realization it’s done, and nothing has changed. I’m still certain of what and who I want. Who I am. Who I love.
Certain that I’ve nev
er been happier in my life. Never been luckier.
Not everyone can say that.
I dredge up a smile at that, hurting my face, and it slowly turns real. Holy shit, I did it. I came out to my parents, and that went… well, it went tits up, but what the hell. It changes nothing. I’ve found my tribe.
Even if right now my heart fucking aches.
***
Jet drags me into the building the moment Candy unlocks the door, and together they stuff me into the elevator, and from there haul me into the apartment.
I let them handle me. The numbness lingers and it makes me spacy and uncoordinated. Like a goddamn baby. Another weird thing to tick off for the day. I’ve always been a strong guy. I’ve been into sports and it comes with the territory. I can benchpress Candy, probably, and I am stronger than Jet, even nowadays when he’s packed quite a bit of muscle and can match me on the wrestling floor.
But tonight they are the reason I keep moving, the reason I didn’t sink down on the curb outside my parents’ building to wait for the morning.
I will get over this numbing detachment. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realize I’m probably in shock. It’ll wear off. Somehow. It’s as if I need something to jolt me out of it. Remind me I’m alive, and that I have lots of reasons to smile.
That I have a home, even if my parents never let me back into theirs.
Fuck.
