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“How did you know it was a bomb?” Aster asks me.
I shrug. “Instinct. I saw the paper bag and something in me just clicked. A result of my Army training, I guess.”
What I want to know is how Leander knew about the bomb and how he knew it was meant for me. Duncan again? I doubt it.
Aster lets out a breath. “Then that’s at least one good thing that came out of you joining the Army.”
“I guess.”
She rests her arm on the edge of the bed. “You know, you haven’t told me why you joined the Army.”
I guess not. “I was offered a chance to serve my country. I took it.”
“But you didn’t take part in the fighting, right?”
“I wasn’t shooting bad guys, if that’s what you’re asking,” I tell her. “But I fought in my own way using the weapon I knew best.”
“Right. Of course.” Aster nods. “I bet what you did was just as important.”
That I don’t know.
“How long were you out there?” Aster asks next.
“Just eight months. Two tours of four months each.”
But they seemed an eternity.
“And then you decided to leave?”
I nod. A man can only take so much ugliness.
Aster seems to understand. “That’s good. I’m glad you got out.”
But I almost didn’t. They almost didn’t let me. I had to buy my way out with my skills. And I succeeded, though there are days I still wish I hadn’t. At the very least, I’m not proud of what I did. That’s why I didn’t want anyone to know. And yet Owens found out.
She touches my arm again. “And I’m really glad you got out of this one, too.”
I look at her face. I can see more relief written on her features now. Joy, even. And something else. Something in her eyes that makes my chest warm and makes me feel lucky to be alive. Something I never thought I’d see.
I narrow my eyes at her. “You haven’t fallen for me, have you?”
Aster’s eyes grow wide. Her forehead creases.
“Just kidding,” I take my remark back before the atmosphere gets uncomfortable.
I never should have said it anyway. There’s no way I’m right.
Aster glares. “Not funny.”
“I know.” I place my hand over hers. “You can slap me later when I’m no longer in this bed. I don’t think I’ll be here long.”
Still, the daggers in her eyes remain.
I squeeze her hand. “I’m also glad that I got out alive.”
I still have a lot of things I want to do to her, with her.
“And I’m grateful that you worried about me, that you’re here with me now.”
Aster looks away. For a moment, she says nothing. Then she lets out a breath.
“You’re welcome.”
Chapter Seventeen ~ What I Feared
Aster
Have I fallen for Mason?
The question continues to nag me while I stroke Dali’s fur days later. As I watch the orange and white koi swim slowly, silently in the pond, I navigate through my own sea of thoughts. Since I don’t know the answer to that question, I list down what I do know.
I know that I only married Mason because he asked me to, and he only asked me to because he knew my dad wanted to take pictures of me in a wedding dress and because my dad was already holding a camera when Giselle decided not to show up at the altar. He wanted to help me. He offered. I accepted. We got married.
I know that this marriage isn’t meant to last. It was never meant to be, after all. In a few years, when I don’t have to think about my dad’s happiness anymore – a thought I don’t really want to entertain – we’ll get a divorce and that will be the end of it, the end of Mason and me.
I know that Mason is a soldier turned billionaire, a very busy businessman, a computer genius and somewhat of a celebrity. Oh, and a man trying to save the world.
I know that even though I said we wouldn’t have sex, we ended up having sex anyway. I realize now that it was a mistake. By connecting with him physically, I’ve brought us closer. By surrendering to his kisses, I’ve opened myself up to him. By baring my body to him, I’ve let him in. All of him.
And now, I find myself constantly thinking of Mason, wanting to see him, to be with him. I catch myself smiling when I am. And when I heard that he was in the hospital because of an explosion, I was frozen in fear. I couldn’t run to his side fast enough. I felt like I was dying as Mason lay there, covered in cuts and bruises, unconscious and hooked to those machines. Then he opened his eyes and I felt alive again.
Does that mean I’ve fallen in love with him?
I realize I’ve stopped petting Dali because he nudges my hand. When I glance at him, he cocks his head and gives me a puzzled look.
