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“You have flashlights, don’t you?” Jenna asks. I hear the worry in her voice.
“Just sit down,” I tell her. “The generator should kick in soon.”
“What? You couldn’t make it kick in immediately?” she complains, then sighs as she sits down. “Sorry. I… I don’t like the dark. It’s… things could happen.”
My eyebrows furrow. Since when was Jenna scared of the dark? Didn’t she like space? Wasn’t she fascinated with black holes?
Or is it me she’s scared of?
“Just so you know, I didn’t plan this.” I sit down as well. “And don’t worry. I’m not going to pounce on you in the dark. I promised I wouldn’t lay a finger on you, and I meant it.”
“Unless I asked you to, unless I make the first move,” Jenna says. “Which is why you’re trying to seduce me.”
I let out a breath. “I didn’t mean – ”
“It’s fine. I knew you were going to try it.”
I did say I was going to do anything to win her back.
I touch the back of my neck. “And yet you still came.”
“I wanted to see if I’m strong enough to resist you, I guess. But I’m not, am I?”
I frown. “You know, you don’t have to resist me, Jenna. You can – ”
“You promised me you wouldn’t ask me to get back together with you,” she reminds me.
Right. I did.
“And I’m not going to ask you that. I’m just saying you don’t have to be so tense around me.”
“But I do,” she laments.
My jaw clenches. She’s making a conscious effort to keep her walls up? She’s using up so much energy to resist me? It should be a good sign, but I’m not happy. I don’t like it when she suffers. Not under any circumstance.
“You can kiss me now,” I tell Jenna. “Right now. In the dark. I’ll think nothing of it.”
I hear her draw a sharp breath.
“No,” she says softly after.
“You’ve done it before,” I remind her.
That night we had sex, she was the one who started it.
I feel her tense at the memory. Great. That’s exactly what I’m trying not to make her do.
I rest my elbows on my knees. “You’re resisting because you want me but you don’t want to let yourself have me because you’re afraid to get hurt. I understand that. I’m telling you right now you can kiss me without promising any part of your self.”
She falls silent.
“You’ll only lose control if you keep bottling things up,” I add. “It’s better to take control.”
“Is that why you’re trying to seduce me?”
“If you’re asking if I want to hold you, to feel your body against mine like I did once, I do,” I admit.
Her cheeks glow in the firelight.
“But I can hold back.”
Jenna looks at me. “And I can’t?”
“I’m saying you don’t have to, that you’ve got nothing to lose because you don’t have to give anything away.”
She looks away. Again, I’m faced with the silence. Is she considering my proposition? I wish I could see her face more clearly.
“But that’s your choice,” I say to her. “I…”
I stop as she moves closer. I straighten my back and hold my breath. Her hand goes on my arm. It travels up to my shoulder. Her other hand cradles my jaw. Then she leans forward. I let out the breath I’m holding and lean forward as well. Our lips meet. A jolt of electricity rushes down my spine.
Gently, Jenna presses her lips against mine. For a moment, I debate if I should kiss her back. I end up doing it but deliberately holding myself back, letting her dictate the pace even though I have the urge to take off her glasses, hold her face in my hands and crush her lips with mine.
I can hold back. But hell, this is torture.
Suddenly, the lights come back on. Jenna goes still.
Fuck. Couldn’t they have stayed off a few seconds more?
She pulls away and purses her lips. Her cheeks remain aflame.
“You’re right,” she says softly as she pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “That’s better. I can breathe better now.”
And I can see it. I can see that some of her tension is gone. Too bad I can’t say the same for mine.
She stands up. “But I’m still going back to my room. Good night.”
“Good night.”
She turns her back to me and walks away from the couch. I frown because I realize I don’t want her to leave just yet.
“Even though the lights are back on, that’s no reason for you to hold back and run from me,” I tell her. “You can do more than kiss me and I won’t put any meaning on it.”
Jenna stops in her tracks but doesn’t glance back. At least I have her attention.
“You’re afraid to commit again. I get that. I won’t rush you. I just want you to know that you don’t have to take me back at the end of these three days. But you can take something.” I stand up. “I meant what I said when I said no one can make you feel the way I do.”
