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“Yeah.” Maggie agrees. “I’m having fun.” She holds out her empty beer bottle. “Do you mind getting me another?”
“Fine.” I get up, annoyed, and go into the kitchen. The new arrivals wander over and ask for drinks. I comply, because I don’t have anything better to do and there’s really no one I want to talk to at this party.
I spot the phone on the wall next to the refrigerator. Maggie is completely occupied with Ryan, who is now sitting cross-legged on the couch, entertaining her with what appears to be a long and animated story. I tell myself Maggie won’t mind if I take off without her. I pick up the phone and dial Bernard’s number.
It rings and rings. Where is he? A dozen scenarios run through my head. He went out to a club, but if he did, why didn’t he invite Maggie and me? Or he met another girl at Peartree’s and he’s with her, having sex. Or worse, he’s decided he doesn’t want to see me anymore and isn’t answering his phone.
The suspense is killing me. I call again.
Still no answer. I hang up, rattled. Now I’m really convinced I’m never going to see him again. I can’t bear it. I don’t care what Maggie says. What if I am in love with Bernard and Maggie just ruined it?
I search the room for her, but she and Ryan have disappeared. Before I can look for them, one of the shaggy guys strikes up a conversation.
“How do you know Capote?”
“I don’t,” I snap. Then I feel bad and add, “He’s in my writing class.”
“Ah yes. The fabled New School writing course. Is Viktor Greene still teaching?” he asks in a Boston accent.
“If you’ll excuse me,” I say, wanting to get away from him, “I have to find my friend.”
“What’s she look like?”
“Blond. Pretty. All-American?”
“She’s with Ryan. In the bedroom.”
I scowl at him like it’s his fault. “I have to get her out.”
“Why?” he asks. “They’re two healthy young animals. What do you care?”
I feel even more lost than I did just a few minutes ago. Are all my values and ideals just plain wrong? “I need to use the phone.”
“You’ve got somewhere better to go?” He laughs. “This is where it’s all happening.”
“I certainly hope not,” I mutter, dialing Bernard’s number. No answer. I slap down the phone and head to the bedroom.
The music is blaring while one of the serious girls bangs on the door of the bathroom. It finally opens and Capote comes out with Rainbow and the model girl. They’re laughing loudly. Normally, I’d love to be at a party like this, but all I can think about is Bernard. And if I can’t see him, I want to go home.
I want to crawl into Samantha’s bed and pull her slippery sheets over my head and cry.
“Maggie?” I knock briskly on the door. “Maggie, are you in there?” Silence. “I know you’re in there, Maggie.” I try the handle, but it’s locked. “Maggie, I want to go home,” I wail.
Finally, the bedroom door opens. Maggie is flushed, twisting her hair. Behind her, Ryan stands grinning, tugging on his pants. “Jesus, Carrie,” Maggie says.
“I need to go home. We have class tomorrow,” I remind Ryan, sounding like an old schoolmarm.
“Let’s go to your house, then,” Ryan suggests.
“No.”
Maggie gives me a look. “That’s a great idea.”
I weigh my options and decide it’s the better choice. At least I can get out of here.
We walk to Samantha’s building. Upstairs, Ryan extracts a bottle of vodka he pinched from Capote and proceeds to pour us drinks. I shake my head. “I’m tired.” While Ryan finds the stereo, I go into Samantha’s room and call Bernard.
The phone rings and rings. He’s still not there. It’s over.
