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It was all the warmth, all the electricity of having Gabriel close. But it was more than that, too. Another heart beating against hers, reminding them both that they were alive. That they could walk away from here and feel the sun on their faces.
‘You know...every time I think I’m getting to really know you, you go and surprise me again.’
Clara smiled up at him. ‘What did I do this time? The abseiling?’
‘No. Although I have to admit that it’s got me wondering how I could ever bear the company of a woman who can’t abseil.’
‘Enough of the charm, Gabriel.’ Clara nudged him, and he chuckled.
‘All right. What really struck me is that medicine seems to be the one thing that really fulfils you.’
Clara shrugged. ‘I just have enough medical knowledge to be of some help. There’s nothing wrong with helping people, is there?’
‘No, of course not. But you were on a mission this afternoon, you weren’t going to give up until you’d found Matilde and Giulia. And even though it was serious business, there was a kind of light about you...’
A lump
began to form in Clara’s throat. However much she tried to deny it, he was right. ‘I suppose...old habits die hard.’
‘Or—you could just say that you were born to do this. That making a difference matters to you, and that medicine is where you make your difference.’
Clara laid her hand on his chest, feeling tears prick at the sides of her eyes. The truth hurt. ‘Don’t, Gabriel. You know why I left medicine and...please don’t do this. We did something good this afternoon, that’s all I want to hear from you.’
He nodded, his face tender. ‘As you wish. You did something very good, Clara.’
‘You too, Gabriel.’
He nodded a thank-you. But however much Clara tried to convince herself that she didn’t want to talk about it, she knew what Gabriel thought. And maybe she thought the same. Maybe giving up medicine had been one of the biggest mistakes she’d ever made.
But she’d made it and the only way was forward. And Gabriel seemed to have reached his own limit now. She felt his body tremble against hers. However much he’d needed to come back here, he also needed to tear himself away.
‘Is it time to go?’ She reached up, her fingers aching to caress his face. Instead, she brushed them against the collar of his shirt.
‘Yeah, I think so.’ He turned, taking her hand, and they walked together out of the cave.
* * *
Something had changed. Something so enormous that Gabriel couldn’t work out quite how he felt about it. He just felt. Anger and love, guilt and release. Too many things to put a name to them.
His father seemed distant again. He’d helped both him and Clara up out of the borehole, telling them they’d done a good job, and then turned away from Gabriel. As if the emotion he’d shown had been a mistake.
Matilde’s daughter had arrived, and the young woman paramedic had driven them both away, bearing everyone’s hugs and good wishes. Everyone else had trooped back to the house, and gone to sit on the veranda, to drink tea and watch the sea. His mother and Giulia and their two other friends talked amongst themselves, and Clara sat between Gabriel and his father. She was working hard to keep the conversation going between them, and failing. Gabriel wondered if this afternoon had just been all a dream. He wanted to be alone suddenly, and rose from his seat, walking down towards the sea.
‘Do you want to know what I think?’ It seemed that he’d been staring out at the horizon for a long time when Clara’s voice pulled him back again.
‘Always.’
‘I think you should talk to your father.’
Gabriel shook his head. ‘You think one afternoon can change everything?’
‘No. But if you want to change things, there’s always a point at which you start.’
It was too complicated. There had been too many years of trying to be someone that he wasn’t, and he couldn’t see a way forward now. Gabriel was pretty sure that the sea couldn’t tell him the answer but he kept looking anyway. Somehow it calmed him.
‘Gabriel... Gabriel, listen to me.’ She took his arm, and Gabriel realised that this was the first time she’d ventured this much. They never touched when there was a possibility that anyone else could see, and they were standing in full view of the house.
‘I always listen to you, Clara.’
