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‘I did, once upon a time.’ Did he class his time with her like that too? A distant fairy story, which had no bearing on reality?
‘But not now?’
He turned to look at her, his gaze searching her face. ‘No, not now. We all have dreams, and then we grow out of them.’
They were almost the hardest words she’d heard tonight. ‘Is that why you asked me here? To meet Ava?’
‘You rang me.’ He seemed to relax the tight grip he had on his emotions a little. ‘I’m glad you came. Ava remembers you and she’s been wanting to see you again.’
No mention of his own feelings. It was as if the tragedy of losing his brother and the sudden responsibility of a child had quenched the passion that had so defined Lucas. Seeing him so changed… It would almost have been better never to have seen him at all.
‘It’s been good to be here.’
* * *
There was something he needed to get out of the way. Lucas told himself that it was all about their professional relationship and nothing about the personal. ‘I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d refused to work with me. After the way that I left.’
‘I always knew what you wanted to do. I supported you in that.’ She shrugged, as if it really didn’t matter.
He’d had time to reflect on the mistake he’d made in breaking up with her, and he knew now that it did matter. ‘I called you. Before the funeral. I couldn’t get through on your mobile and I didn’t want to leave a message. So I tried the house you used to share.’
‘What did they say?’
‘That you’d gone abroad. That you wouldn’t want to speak to me.’
She took a deep breath and a gulp of her wine.
‘I didn’t blame you, Thea. I’d half expected you to refuse to speak to me.’
She shook her head. ‘That was… I got drunk one night and said it to the girls I lived with. I didn’t mean it. Of course I would have spoken to you.’
‘Where did you go?’ Suddenly it was important that he knew.
Her gaze was on his face now and her cheeks were starting to burn red. ‘I went to Bangladesh. It was my last summer before I started work and I thought it would be nice to drop in and see where you were staying. For a bit of a holiday…’
It was all falling into place. An exquisitely timed tragedy. He had left Thea, planning to spend a fortnight with his family before going to Bangladesh. And in that fortnight everything had changed. Sam and Claire had died. And however casual she made it sound, there was no doubt in his mind that Thea had decided to go to Bangladesh to find him.
‘I’m sorry I missed you.’
‘It wasn’t your fault. I’m just sorry that I never knew about Sam and Claire.’
He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but he couldn’t find a way to tell her that. It was almost a relief when she reached briskly for the pile of papers that she’d propped on the windowsill behind her.
‘Thanks for tonight, but I’m really tired. Could I call you tomorrow morning to discuss our reply to the newspaper article?’
That would be good. There were far too many questions swimming in his head at the moment to concentrate on anything. ‘Yes, of course. I’ll be around all morning.’
* * *
Thea felt sick. She stopped the car, wondering whether it would be better to reach for the empty shopping bag under the seat, stick her fingers down her throat and get it over with.
Probably not. The feeling was in her chest and nothing to do with her stomach.
He’d had good reasons for not being on that plane. He’d called her. If she’d known either of those things, what had happened next might have been very different. Instead, she’d
been too proud to contact Lucas and had continued on a path that would lead to disgrace.
She switched on the car radio and then thought better of it, punching the ‘off’ button. The radio had turned into something like a game of Russian roulette, never knowing whether the next track would be the one which reminded her of Lucas.
