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He said his goodbyes to Lynette and Noah inside, keeping his distance as the HEMS team took them outside with Cass. Jack wondered if this would be the last he ever saw of her and, despite all his resolutions, he found himself staring at her, as if to burn her image into his mind. But she waited for Lynette and the baby to be safely installed in the helicopter and then jogged back to stand at his side.
‘There goes your last chance of getting out of the village today. The roads are still blocked.’ Cass’s eyes seemed to be fixed on the disappearing speck in the sky.
Jack nodded. ‘Yours too.’
‘What does that make us?’ She turned her querying gaze on to his face.
Jack shrugged. ‘It makes us people who know our families are safe, and that the village might still need us.’
‘It’s not easy...’
‘I don’t think it’s meant to be.’ Jack’s decision to stay had been made in the small hours of last night and it had torn him in two. Doing his job and being a good dad was a complex and sometimes heartbreaking juggling act.
‘Well, it’s done now. The only thing I can do to justify it is to make today count.’ She smiled suddenly. ‘Hungry?’
‘Famished.’ He looked at his watch. ‘What time’s breakfast?’
‘Not for a couple of hours. We’ll raid the kitchen.’
The kitchen was empty and she made toast while Jack made the tea. She rummaged in the cupboard, finding a couple of jars, and picked up two bananas from a crate in the corner. Then she led the way through to her private hidey-hole in the church porch.
‘What is that?’ It appeared that instead of choosing what she wanted on her toast, Cass was going for everything.
‘Chocolate spre
ad, then peanut butter and mashed banana. Try it; it’s really nice.’
‘Maybe another time. When I’m planning on not eating for the next two days.’
‘A good breakfast sets you up for the day. You should know that; you’re a medic.’
‘Yeah. Perhaps I’d better not mention the sugar in that.’
She shrugged. ‘I’ll work it off.’
They ate in silence. His first slice of toast with peanut butter and his second with chocolate spread. Jack supposed that since he was going to eat the banana afterwards, he couldn’t really poke too much fun at Cass’s choice of breakfast.
It was still early and the glow of a new day, diffusing gently through the thick ancient glass, seemed to impose a relaxed camaraderie. Grabbing meals at odd hours after working most of the night. Talking, saying whatever came to mind without the usual filter of good manners and expediency. It felt as if anything could be asked, and answered.
‘Is there someone waiting for you when we get out of here?’
She shrugged. ‘Lots of people, I imagine.’
‘I meant a partner...’ It was becoming important to Jack to find out about all the subjects that Cass seemed to skirt around.
‘Oh, that.’ Jack wondered whether she really hadn’t known what he was talking about. ‘Big red truck. Makes a noise...’
‘You’re married to your job, then?’
She nodded, taking a bite from her toast. ‘You?’
‘I never married. And I don’t get much time for socialising any more; when Ellie came along I had to make quite a few changes.’
She turned her querying eyes on to him and Jack wondered whether she wanted to know about him as much as he wanted to know about her. It was strangely gratifying.
‘Then you have a past? How exciting.’ The curve of her lip promoted an answering throb in his chest which made it hard to deny how much he liked it when Cass teased him.
‘It’s not that exciting.’ Looking back, it seemed more desperate than anything. Desperate to find the warmth that was missing from his broken home, and yet afraid to commit to anyone in case they let him down, the way his father had let his mother down.
