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He felt her fingers touch the back of his hand and he pulled away from her. That wasn’t going to help. Nothing was going to help.
‘What is it, Jack?’
‘You think that this isn’t enough?’ He heard anger flare in his voice and it shocked him. When he glared at Cass, she flushed, pressing her lips together. Now wasn’t the time for her to clam up on him.
‘Just say it, Cass. You really can’t make anything any worse.’
‘Things could be a lot worse and you know it. Since when did you give up on anyone, Jack?’
‘I am not...’ The denial sprang to Jack’s lips before he realised that Cass had seen a lot more than he had. Giving up on Mimi was exactly what he was doing.
All he wanted her to do was hold him. Maybe she saw that too because she reached across, taking his shaking hands between hers. Jack could never imagine that Cass’s touch could be anything other than exciting, but now it was soothing.
‘I’m afraid of losing her, Cass. She went into a building and it flooded...’ He shook his head. ‘Why did she have to go and do that?’
‘Same reason you would, I imagine. This isn’t really about Mimi, is it?’
Cass always seemed to see right through him, and right now it was the only thing that could bring him any comfort. ‘I was so angry with my father when he died. I felt he cared more about getting off on the risk than h
e did about us. Sal too...’
Cass let go of his hands, curling her arms around his shoulders. Jack hung on to her as tightly as if he were drowning.
‘I’d be angry too. But you have to forget that now because Mimi’s your friend and she deserves your trust. You have to believe in her.’
She’d cut right to the heart of it. To his heart. The thought that once again he might lose someone who was important in his life had torn at him all day. He hadn’t been able to see past his anger, hadn’t even allowed himself to feel any hope for Mimi.
‘I let her down, didn’t I?’
‘No. And you’re not going to either, because you’re going back to the ICU tomorrow and you’re going to tell her how much you care about her, and that you know she’s going to get better. Even if she can’t hear you.’
‘Perhaps she can. You always have to assume that even heavily sedated patients can hear what’s going on.’
‘Well, in that case you’d better make it convincing.’ The flicker of a smile caressed her lips. ‘Go on. Let’s see your convincing face.’
She could make him laugh even when things were bad. She might not be able to make all the worry disappear, nor could she drive away all the simmering fear and anger, but she knew how to give him hope. Jack gave an approximation of his most earnest expression and she shook her head, laughing.
‘I’d stick with the one you gave Lynette. I wouldn’t buy a used car off you if you looked at me like that.’
* * *
She made him a drink, and got a smile in return, but she could still feel the pain leaking out of him. He wasn’t just dealing with Mimi being hurt; he was dealing with all of the remembered pain of his father’s death. All of the fears he had for Ellie.
The best she could do tonight was help him to switch off for a while. She knew his gaze was on her back as she ran her finger along the books on the shelf, spelling the titles out quietly to herself.
Reaching for the book that she and Izzy had shared, she turned to Jack. ‘I don’t suppose you’d like to read...’
He grinned. ‘I’d be honoured. Will Miss Palmer mind?’
‘She’ll understand.’ What he needed was to let it all go, just for a few hours. And Cass didn’t know a better way than this. She handed him the book, settling down next to him on the sofa, and Jack opened it and started to read.
Slowly, they slipped into another world together. The space between them seemed to diminish as they travelled the same paths, thought the same thoughts. And Jack’s voice lost the sharp edge of stress that she’d heard in it all evening.
He finished the chapter and they embarked greedily on the next. But it was too much. When they stopped for a while, to talk sleepily, the book slipped from Jack’s fingers and Cass caught it before it fell to the floor.
He looked so peaceful. Waking him up would only bring him back to a present that he needed to forget for now if he was going to face it tomorrow. Carefully, Cass manoeuvred Jack round on the sofa, taking off his shoes, disentangling herself from his arms when he reached for her, and fetching the duvet and a pillow from his bed to keep him warm.
Maybe she should make some attempt to slip his jeans off; he’d be more comfortable. She reached under the duvet, finding the button on the waistband and undoing it. Jack stirred, and she snatched her hand away.
