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‘Yes. He couldn’t find anything wrong with either of us. But there was something—we tried for nearly two years, and it must have been my fault because Paul... He left me because he’d made another woman pregnant.’
He wiped his hand across his face, uttering a soft curse. ‘Cass, I’m so sorry that happened to you. But there’s no blame attached to this. And sometimes the cause is to do with both partners...’
‘Don’t try to make me feel better, Jack. Paul has a child. It must be me.’
‘Not necessarily. It could have been a combination of factors, some to do with you and some with him. Didn’t the doctor explain all this?’
‘He gave me some leaflets but I was so stressed out about it all...’ The words had seemed to mock her, performing a danse macabre on the paper.
‘And you didn’t ask for help, either?’
‘No. I didn’t want to admit it to anyone.’ The secret had driven a wedge between Cass and the people she was closest to. ‘You know what some people in the village say about Miss Palmer? They say “Poor Miss Palmer” because she never had children.’
‘Really? I’m not sure that’s something it would ever occur to me to say. Miss Palmer’s a force to be reckoned with.’
‘I think so too. I want to be like her...’
‘The best at your job? Terrifying? I think you’ve got that taped...’ Jack chuckled as she elbowed him in the ribs, and somehow Cass found herself smiling. The secret was out but it hadn’t turned on her like some wild beast. Jack had kept her safe.
* * *
He had trusted her. He had believed in her. It had given him the strength to be sure that there must be a reason for Cass’s attitude, and when she’d shared her fears with him he’d understood that reason. The suffocating weight of his own childhood and his concerns for Ellie had seemed to lift, as if naming their fears could somehow allow them to put them aside for a while.
‘Do you think... That I could go back and start again?’
‘Right to the beginning?’ Jack had often wondered the same himself. What it would be like if he could rewind and do it all again, knowing what he knew now. ‘I don’t think that’s possible.’
‘Just a week or so.’
That was a bit more attainable. ‘Can we leave the part where I’m almost drowned out?’
‘Yeah. No getting wet.’
‘And I doubt that Ben’s all that ready for a repeat of the mud incident either.’
Cass laughed. ‘No. I don’t imagine he is.’
Jack pulled her close, and when she tipped her face up towards him he dropped a kiss on to her cheek. ‘Here?’
‘That would be a really good place to start.’ He felt her lips move against his skin and suddenly he was right back in the place he’d been an hour ago. With a second chance.
‘You keep your eyes open when you’re with me, though. I promise you that I’ll take care of you and keep us both safe, but you have to let me know that it’s me you see. Nothing else.’
‘I see you, Jack. Not enough of you at the moment...’ She tugged at his sweater and he chuckled.
‘Hold that thought. I’ll be back in a minute. Less, if at all possible.’
‘I’ll be waiting.’
* * *
Jack fetched a quilt from the cupboard upstairs to spread out in front of the fire, concealing the condoms in its folds.
She sat, watching his every move, the flickering light playing across her smile. When she stood, reaching for him, Jack shook his head and pulled his sweater off.
‘Not yet. There’s something I want to do for you...’
Her gaze didn’t leave his face as he pulled off his clothes. Then he fell to one knee in front of her.
