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‘That’s up to you. Don’t expect my answer to be any different.’
He nodded. ‘Okay. See you, Jess.’ He turned and walked away. Stood aside as someone negotiated a wheelchair through the wide doors into the reception area and then strode out into the square outside the hospital.
He’d given up so easily. Another trait that Jess didn’t recognise. He’d be leaving after Christmas, and then he’d have other things on his mind. She couldn’t compete with Shaw Industries, and she didn’t have the energy to try.
She turned, blind to everything other than misery and the certain knowledge that she’d done the right thing. She cannoned into the Christmas tree and stumbled back again in a cloud of sparkly dust.
‘Hey… Careful!’ Gerry was on his way back through Reception, Emma perched on his shoulders. ‘You okay?’
‘Eh? Yes, of course.’ Jess decided that Emma would probably be easier to fool than Gerry. ‘Did you see Father Christmas, sweetie?’
‘No. Daddy can’t find him.’
‘Really? Where do you think he is, then?’
‘That way.’ Emma pointed in the opposite direction from which they’d just come. ‘But he was here.’
‘Here? I didn’t see him.’
Emma leaned forward and brushed her hand across Jess’s hair. ‘He made you sparkly.’
Gerry shrugged. ‘You can’t argue with that. Do you want to come and see if we can track the man down?’
‘He’s in the little sitting room next to the canteen. Follow the signs for the grotto.’
‘A grotto! D’you hear that, Em? Shall we see if we can find it?’
Jess leaned over the basin in the ladies’ room and tried to shake some of the sparkle out of her hair. She guessed it didn’t matter too much, it was Christmas after all, but if she was going to go to any of the wards, it probably wasn’t a good idea to go shedding bits from the Christmas tree everywhere.
Last Christmas everything had been so easy. It had been easy to believe in Greg, easy to work with him, easy to kiss him. He’d taken her on journeys that she’d thought were hopeless, defied the flat line on the monitor and kept working. The old Greg had taught her that you didn’t stop while there was still some thread of life, some chance that a heart would start to beat again.
There was no chance. She had to be realistic. If she didn’t let this go now, there would only be further pain and disappointment, which would drive yet another wedge between them. She couldn’t risk that, for the sake of her child.
The look he had given her just now. That old, challenging look that defied the odds and had, on more than one occasion, saved someone. Jess’s heart beat a little faster. In the mirror she could see her reflection, a hint of his defiance in her eyes. Then, hardly aware of having made a decision, she turned and ran for the door.
The courtyard outside the main entrance was full of people, but the one person she wanted to see wasn’t there. She searched the faces desperately and then she saw him. Standing by a parked taxi, chatting to the driver.
‘Greg!’ She hollered at the top of her voice and began to run towards him. He turned on the instant and when he saw her he smiled.
‘You haven’t brought your coat.’
Jess realised that she was shivering in the crisp, morning air. ‘No. I’ll go back and get it.’
‘No, you won’t.’ He took his leather jacket off and draped it around her shoulders. ‘Get in.’
The driver already seemed to know where to go, cutting through back roads and emerging again onto the main streets, which were decked with lights and heaving with last-minute shoppers.
‘Let me take that.’ She still had her clipboard clutched to her chest and he tugged at it. She relinquished it with as much grace as she could manage and he slipped it into the carrier bag that lay next to him on the seat.
‘It’s not going to make any difference, Greg.’
‘We’ll see.’
‘I’m coming because you asked me to. But things aren’t going to change, you’ve made your decisions.’
He nodded. ‘And you’ve made yours?’
‘Yes. I’ve made mine.’ Jess glanced at the sliding window between them and the driver and saw that it was firmly shut. They had some measure of privacy, probably up to about the level of a quiet sneeze. She’d keep her voice down.
