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My mouth opens, but then it falls shut. I must tell him because I need a male perspective, and keeping this secret is killing me.
“It was New Year’s Eve. I was a mess after Miami. Then I walked in on Olivier. In my entire life, I’ve never felt as insecure and insignificant as I did that night.” I swallow the lump in my throat, finding the courage to continue. “I went to this Irish pub because, well, I don’t know why. I just didn’t want to be around the same usual crowd. So, I drank, and then Austin walked in…”
“Austin?” Andy tilts his head. His blue eyes fixate on me. “Millie’s Austin?”
“Thanks for the reference.”
“Sorry,” he quickly mutters. “So, Austin walked in?”
“He was having a bad night at work, and well, we drank, then one thing led to another…”
As my words trail off, Andy lets out a
huge breath then rubs his face with his hands. “Ava… ” he murmurs, “… are you telling me Austin is the father?”
“It was just one night, Andy.” I almost choke.“I haven’t seen him since.”
“He doesn’t know?”
I shake my head, keeping quiet.
“And Millie? Does she know about that night?”
My eyes fall to the floor as I shake my head again. “I fucked up, Andy. I don’t know what to do.”
Andy places his arm on my shoulder, bringing me in for an embrace. My chest hitches, the wave of nausea rearing its ugly head again. I practice my breathing, not wanting to hug the toilet bowl since I can’t think of anything worse.
“I don’t have any advice for you,” Andy confesses, his voice low. “The truth is, this baby will come whether you accept it or not.”
“I know, but, Andy? If you were a guy in this situation, would you want to know?”
Andy takes a moment to ponder my question. Given the complexity of the situation, I don’t push him while he thinks.
“Honestly? Yes. This isn’t the child’s fault, and every child deserves to have a father.”
His answer is nothing less than what I expected from him, especially since he lost his biological father so early on in life.
“But Austin has this great career,” I argue softly. “He worked so hard to become a doctor, and I don’t want to ruin it for him.”
“Ruin it for him or you?”
I narrow my eyes, distancing myself while turning to face him. “What does that mean?”
“You’ve always been independent, and if we’re getting real here, you struggle with factoring men into your life. You do what you want when you want. If you were to raise this baby on your own, you could do things your way. But if Austin knows, I’m certain he will want to be a part of the child’s life. That means you’ll need to factor in his needs too.”
I’m offended Andy says such a thing even though I considered moving to LA for a split second to be closer to Mom and Dad, yet quickly squashed the idea. My life is here. My work is here.
And Austin is here.
“What about Millie?” I can barely say her name without the guilt riddling me. “Or even Will. They’re going to know.”
“Ava, this isn’t going to be easy. The quicker you swallow that, the quicker you move on and rip the band-aid off.”
“I’m terrified it will tear my family apart,” I choke, barely able to admit the truth.
“Family is for life. Sure, at first, there may be some battles, but never forget the power of love. You know, if you want more advice, maybe talk to Mom? She went through this when she started seeing Dad.”
From the bits we knew, Aunt Adriana’s relationship with Uncle Julian caused major conflict when they came out as a couple. Dad was on the warpath, disowning his sister and blaming Mom. But according to Mom, Uncle Julian saved my life. There was no elaboration to that story, so that’s the extent to what I know.
