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Kate: Beware the wrath of a woman who didn’t get laid by her husband last night.
Oh c’mon! I don’t need to know this shit. I shoot her an annoyed look, responding to her text immediately.
Me: Fuck you very much.
“I don’t know what it is you guys are talking about, but know this… I’m tired,” Charlie tells us with her back toward the table while making a sandwich which she slides into a brown paper bag.
“Good morning, cuz, you look very nice this morning.” I smile, trying my best to get back into the good books with her.
“Cut the bullshit, Noah. I look like death. I just got my period, so death is an understatement.”
“See this… this right here is the kind of information I am not interested in. It would explain why the both of you are crabby. I’ve heard about girls being in sync,” I say with a mouthful of toast, unaware of the minefield I’ve just stepped into.
“Did you also hear that period pain is like a thousand knives being stabbed into your vagina?” Charlie adds, taking a seat beside me. “And that it’s extremely awkward when your tampon fills up and you’re running to the toilet with what feels like a grenade between your legs?”
Kate does nothing to save me. Instead, she bows her head trying to hold in her laugh, almost choking on the banana she’s eating. Lex walks into the kitchen, pulling a small suitcase behind him. He told me last night he had to be in Boston for three days. Also, he told me that he’s glad I’m here so someone can help Charlie. Not that I’ve been much help. Addison soiled her diaper the other day and I almost threw up in my mouth trying to find Charlie while carrying her at an arm’s length so she could change her.
“Good morning, everyone,” he announces. “Good morning, my beautiful wife.” Kissing her on the cheek, she mumbles something before sliding the cup of coffee across the table to him where he takes a seat. The girls are watching television, something about a little girl with a whiney voice that speaks in Spanish.
“What did I miss?” Lex asks, taking his cell out of his pocket.
“Aunt Flow is visiting. Everyone is shitty and tired. Aside from that, you’re off to Boston to meet the Mackenzie Group, right?”
“Yes. Did Margaret email you the presentation?” Lex questions Kate.
Kate scrolls through her Blackberry, shaking her head in response.
“Honestly, Kate. These older assistants you’ve been hiring are not as switched on as the younger ones,” he chastises.
“Oh, really?” Charlie questions with a raised eyebrow. “Maybe you should find someone younger, like Montana perhaps? Maybe give her a call, see what she’s up to.”
You could cut Charlie’s sarcasm with a knife. Lex puts his phone down and looks at Charlie oddly. I don’t know what’s going on or who Montana is, but I really want to slide out of my chair and hide under the table, pretending I don’t exist. Charlie’s one hell of a moody bitch.
“No comment?” she asks, waiting for Lex. “I didn’t think so. Now, since we’re all here and we have approximately two minutes before Dora the Explorer finishes, we need to set some rules in this house.”
“Like not talking about menstrual cycles?” I tell her.
Lex nods in agreeance.
“No, like your personal life ruining your chance at success,” she answers back.
“How does that affect this household?”
“It affects Lex,” Charlie points out.
“Explain?”
“Lex’s business cannot afford to have single men like you with a reputation for running naked around LA. Haden may run the company, but ultimately, Lex owns the business.”
“What I do in my personal life does not affect my work,” I quip, quick to defend myself. “I take pride in my professionalism, Charlie. I work hard, and yes, I play hard. But that doesn’t mean I mix business with pleasure.”
“He’s right, Charlotte, and if you knew what my executives got up to, you’d…” he trails off as he watches Kate dragging her finger across her throat motioning him to stop right there.
“What are you talking about? Of course, it affects your business. A nice, well-rounded man in a steady relationship shows commitment.”
“God, Charlie, what do you want me to do? Become a priest?” I complain.
“No. I think you need to start getting serious. You’re twenty-eight, Noah. When Lex was twenty-seven he owned several companies and was set for life,” Charlie says.
