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“Why are you worried about getting laid once the baby is born?”
“I’m not worried about getting laid straight away. I’m saying that one day I’m going to crave the touch of a man and it’s going to be difficult since I have a child to think about. It’s not just about me anymore.”
“But I told you that I didn’t want anyone touching you.”
“And I told you that’s too bad because you’re getting married and getting laid every night, so stop being a jerk.”
“I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“Why are we even arguing about this? Let’s deal with it when the time comes.”
“I want to deal with it now. I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“Yeah, well I don’t want anyone touching you, but life is unfair,” I shoot back.
“Then no one will,” he states confidently.
“Empty promises, Haden. You’re a guy, I respect that your cock needs to get laid.”
“By you,” he confirms.
Whoa. This conversation took a turn, a major turn, to God knows where. The whole dynamic of our conversation has changed and I’m rendered speechless. He has no idea of the enormity of his words, and being the rational one, I feel I have no choice but to bring him back down to reality.
“Haden,” I whisper. “We need to talk about this when you’re back. Right now, I’m tired and I have to get up for work in a couple of hours.”
“I’ll be back on Sunday. I want to see you then.”
“Okay.”
I hang up the phone, bewildered. Not even a minute later, I receive a text.
#Jerk: I meant what I said.
I know he meant it. I’m just not ready to deal with it.
Vicky and Kate come home not even ten minutes later. Vicky has decided to sleep over, and the second I see her walk through the door, I run to her with a razor in my hands.
She yawns. “Pres, it’s three am and you want me to shave your kitty?”
“This is an emergency situation! You don’t understand.”
“I understand that it’s three am and there is a possibility that I may give you a mullet.”
I drag her to the bathroom and close the door behind us. Kate is already in her room, drunk on her bed.
“This really can’t wait till tomorrow?”
“No, I can’t sleep knowing I let it turn into the Amazon Rainforest.”
“I must really love you to do this. . . .” she mumbles to herself, armed with a razor, soap, and water.
Ten minutes later, she’s done.
“You wanna see? Geez, I think the razor went dull.”
I laugh. “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Honestly, the things I do for you.”
