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Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see
My dearest Adriana,
I walk away from this earth into the light with God’s guidance, which has given me the strength I need to allow myself the peace my body deserves.
My love will forever live in our beautiful baby boy, Andy. He is eternally blessed, and I promise to watch over both of you and keep harm and nightmares away.
Love never dies, Adriana. It may move onto a place that you can’t see but believe me when I promise you that it’s all around you. It will never stop, and when you feel alone, I want you to know that my love will forever embrace you.
My life may have not been long in years, but it was fulfilled in more ways than I ever thought possible. The moment I laid my eyes upon you at the football field on that hot summer night when you were just seventeen years old, I knew you were my soul mate, the woman to complete me and make my dreams come true.
In so many wa
ys, Adriana, you made me feel alive, and the biggest gift you have given me was bringing our son into this world.
I may have only held Andy for a few days, but he is my son, and his beating heart, his first breaths were the reason that I could die an incredibly happy and content man.
Adriana, my love, promise me that you will continue life with our son. Give him every opportunity that he deserves. Let him grow into a fine, honorable man. Let him find his own path and understand the unity of a family.
I know you will never stop loving me, but know that you have my blessing to find someone who will love you and take care of you. I can’t say he’ll love you as much as I do, as I doubt there is anyone who has the ability to love you like I do and have done for so long. But please, find someone that will be the father Andy deserves. Don’t deny him this because you are scared, Adriana.
Anytime you miss me, just look into Andy’s eyes. I am there staring right back at you.
Forever with you,
Elijah
CHARLIE
Ten days after Andrew Elijah Evans was born, we lost Elijah.
The doctors had warned us he had only days to live, but somehow, he managed to beat the odds and was able to witness the birth of his son. No matter how much we prepared ourselves for it, we couldn’t nullify the pain when he was finally gone. He had deteriorated over the past few months, his quality of life brutally robbed from him.
His family and friends buried him as the sweet, delicate sound of ‘Amazing Grace’ was sung in the background. Lex sat beside Adriana, never letting go of her, and Adriana sat there, stone-cold frozen. She didn’t shed a tear, nor did it seem she blinked an eye. She is like a sister to me, yet at a time when I knew she needed me the most, I had no idea how to help her. The pain I felt when I lost my grandmother and Anthony can’t even compare to losing your husband, and to add to that, being left with a newborn child.
I try my best to talk to her, but she shuts down every time, closing off from everyone except Lex.
People pay their last respects as Emily cradles Andy in her arms, rocking him to sleep. Andrew holds his head up as the patriarch of our family. He knows exactly what to say and what needs to be done. Little did I know at the time how much it would impact our family. It’s impossible ever to imagine walking in these shoes unless your feet are the ones firmly in them, barely taking steps, unsure of why you are being punished by having lost such a beautiful soul.
I wait for Adriana’s breakdown, but it never comes. Instead, Adriana climbs into a very dark place, one I’m all too familiar with. We constantly worry with every second that goes by because deep down inside, we know we can’t lose her. As every new parent knows, a newborn baby is hard at the best of times, but we can see Adriana withdraw in herself and she’s closing off from us.
Emily moves in with her and takes care of Andy fulltime. I visit every day just to give Emily a break. Nikki and Kate fly down often to help me with Amelia and work. The stress is taking its toll on all of us, but we continue to pray somehow, someway, that Adriana will wake up from the nightmare and realize Andy needs her too.
The tornado of grief sweeps her away, and much to my sadness, it takes Lex along with her.
Lex withdraws from our family, and I constantly find myself alone. Adjusting to life in LA is hard enough without having a teething baby who’s beginning to crawl all over the place. Between taking care of Amelia and the occasional hours I put in at the office, I’m barely holding on.
But time passes by, and life as we know it has changed forever.
The enormity of my marriage falling apart is hidden behind the grief and chaos of events consuming us since the moment Elijah passed. The realization came a few weekends ago when Nikki and Kate flew in to spend some time with me. Of course, Eric, not wanting to be left out, has joined us for lunch.
“You’ve done a lot with the place, Charlie,” Kate says, eyeing the frames on the wall.
